The first chapter

My entire life, I have hated to think of the theme of stories, novels and poems that I’ve read. I like to think that there is no specific reason, and that works can’t always be put into a category. This is why I roll my eyes at themes we have to talk about in school, especially ones like “don’t judge a book by its cover” and “curiosity killed the cat.” I guess it just bugs me that things can be categorized, no matter what. But, now I understand.

I judged a book. I looked at the cover, didn’t like what I saw, then shoved it aside. I often referred to that book as “annoying” or “not as cute as everyone thinks.” I didn’t even bother with digging deeper by reading the description of the book on the back cover or by cracking the binding and sampling a page or two. I looked, I judged, I set it down. This is what I do with most things. There’s one thing that I changed my mind on. And now I regret what I thought before.

I saw the book on the shelf, dusted it off, then looked at it again. I smiled to myself as I opened it up and took a look inside. I saw that this book I shoved aside before is absolutely beautiful and kicked myself for not thinking so before. It makes me smile and laugh and made this past week of my life one of the most cheerful ones I have experienced in awhile. I’m still only in the first chapter, but I am planning on reading more and more in the future. I can’t wait to see what else I find.

Room of testosterone

People seriously annoy the hell out of me. I lose all hope in humanity sometimes because of stupid people. And maybe this isn’t that big of a deal, but I just feel like ranting right now.

I hate girls that have super light hair and wear super dark eyeliner. It makes them look dead. It makes them look like they have black eyes. It makes them look, well, you get my point. There are also those girls with the side part that makes it look like they have a comb-over. It covers their dead, dark eyes. They have to tilt their head to get it back into place when it falls the way IT’S SUPPOSED TO GO. I hate girls that just don’t seem to get it. It annoys me when girls wear tons and tons of makeup, and yet boys can’t seem to see that. They are obviously self-conscious about their looks, but I guess that boys just eat that shit up. I shouldn’t be concerned about this, because I have a boyfriend who adores me no matter what I look like, makeup or no makeup (usually no), but it still pisses me off. I shouldn’t care about the insecurity of every girl in this world when I am totally secure. But, I do. It’s discouraging and saddening.

I hate girls in general, I suppose. I’d much rather be in a room full of testerone than one of estrogen. I think I’d commit suicide in the estrogen one. I grew up with boys. I’m used to them. Girls are catty… and I hate them.

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The reason why my nose hurts

Wow. Warped Tour 2009? Awesome! I had my doubts, I’ll admit it, and now I can’t imagine why I ever had any. I saw some of the prettiest people I have ever seen, but I also saw some of the ugliest people I have ever seen in my life. There were people with gross piercings, girls all decked out in gothic clothing, girls with wayyy too much makeup on, lesbians (everywhere!), pimple-covered faces and people that barely had anything covered. I saw a bunch of girls that looked to be about twelve years old (and were probably even younger) that looked way too young to be in a place like that. They had no fear, though. Like most of the youth these days. They do what they want without respecting others. How annoying.

We got there and headed over to the blow-up thingy that had the stages, bands and times they were playing on it, and who should be playing on the stage near us whilst we were looking? Underøath! I saw Aaron, heard them announce “this next one is an oldie!”, realized it was “Its Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door” and you’d better believe I ditched my people and squeezed through the crowd until I could see (even though I still couldn’t really see). The drowning in my sleep part melted me.

101_0138We got our times and started walking around. We waited at the Rock Band tent for Escape the Fate to show up and start judging the “bands” that were playing the video game. When they arrived (accompanied by several squeals issued by moi), and sat down RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME (I was in the front right up against the “CAUTION” tape) I started snapping pictures left and right. Robert turned around and waved, and yes, I got a picture of it. I only wish I could have had my camera out for when he turned around again and flicked everyone off. That was awesome.101_0150

We hurried off to watch Chiodos after that. I surprised myself by knowing most of the words to their songs (much like I did back in November). We left that stage to go see Scary Kids Scaring Kids at the Hurley stage. I was so looking forward to seeing them, but that quickly melted away. I realized that I did not know ANY of the words. I knew the beat and the guitar parts and stuff, but because I barely ever understood what the singer was singing, I couldn’t sing along. They played “My 101_0158Darkest Hour” (my favorite song by them) but it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be. Kind of disappointing, but the crowd wasn’t all that into it either, so that was part of the problem. There really wasn’t much crowdsurfing during their set.

Madina Lake had the most energy out of anybody. 101_0164A big hairy guy almost ruined it for me, but my boyfriend and I scrambled around until we were as far away from him as we could get. I have not taken the time to listen to them in a long time, but every word to every song came back to me as soon as the music started playing. They opened with “Adalia,” played “House Of Cards,” mixed in some new stuff (which sadly I did not know) and ended with “True Love.” After being disappointed by Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Madina Lake provided the perfect pick-me-up.

101_0191Then, after being crushed in like sardines for A Day To Remember, I made my boyfriend and friend get up so we could get in the front101_0196 for Escape the Fate’s performance (FINALLY!). Once again, they opened with “The Flood.” They had enough energy, but not as much as Madina Lake. But I love Craig, Monte, Max and Robert anyway. Monte looked like a happy little Asian kid (his hair was lovely), Robert looked like Slash (like he normally does), I saw more of Max this time since I was on the side of the stage where he normally resides, so that was great, and Craig was his usual crazy fun-loving self. They performed “Situations,” surprised me with their performance of “Ashley,” played “You Are So Beautiful,”  rounded out the set with “10 Miles Wide” and ended with “This War Is Ours (The Guillotine II).” During one of the songs (I can’t recall which one) someone crowdsurfed and kicked me in the nose. It was awesome, but that’s why my nose is killing me right now. Before “10 Miles Wide” Craig said “now, I want to see every girl on top of some guy’s shoulders! Look at the guy in front of you, ladies, and hop on!”  Some guy turned around and looked at me, but I looked to my boyfriend who was standing behind me 101_0197with his arms around me and motioned for him to get down so I could mount his shoulders. I hopped on, got a GREAT view of the stage, and danced on his shoulders to the song whilst singing along. Craig jumped into the crowd and sang with a girl who was on someone’s shoulders, and boy, was I jealous! But, it was still awesome. I got down after that song, and my boyfriend pulled me out of the way before we were pushed into the Wall of Death.

Afterward I couldn’t stop raving about Escape the Fate’s performance. It was so much better than it had been back in November at Town Ballroom. My boyfriend wanted to watch Breathe Carolina, so we did (yuck!), but all I was thinking about was Escape the Fate. 101_0183

We left after Breathe Carolina, and wandered around the parking lot looking for his mom’s car. Then we hopped in and left. It was definitely a fun time. I can’t wait to see Escape the Fate for the third time. I promised my boyfriend that I would crowdsurf at that one. I’m little enough. 100_0364

You be you, I’ll be me

I can see through people. Not many people have this ability, but I certainly do. When people lie, I can tell. When people cover something up, I can tell there’s something more. When someone only pretends to like me, I can tell. When people are fake, it makes me sad. When people copy what I do and call it their own, it depresses me a little. What? Can they not come up with something on their own? If you feel that you need to lie, that’s okay with me. If you don’t mention a major detail of a story, fine, I won’t pry. Go ahead and keep pretending to like me. As long as it avoids stupid drama I’m fine. If talking about me keeps you entertained, that’s okay with me. If you feel the need to hide yourself and put up a false front, okay. I’ll be me, you be not you. It’s when someone copies me that really gets to me. I don’t care if it’s supposed to be flattering – it honestly gets very annoying. Be you, I’ll be me. Get your own ideas, create your own style…and leave me be. I’ve accepted that original thoughts are next to impossible (the world is so full of people – it is only to be assumed that someone has thought of something before me), but my style; my original way of life; the way I go about my business has to be my own. You be you (unless you’re fake), and I’ll be me. Subtract original thoughts, but add in a lot of confidence. Confidence is what I thrive on. To be like me you must have confidence. Well, do you?

No, Miley. I don’t ever wish to be a “Fly On The Wall”

I feel like ranting. Hope you’re ready for this.

I just viewed Miley Cyrus’s video for “Fly On The Wall.” Now, I didn’t mean to watch it, I was perfectly happy with the 3OH!3 video that was before it, but I cannot control the playlist on Playlist. Though I wish I could, sadly I cannot.

She is so annoying. I hate all of these pop artists that think they are hot shit and stuff. They think that absolutely everyone loves them, even though quite a few people obviously don’t. Another example is Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable.” Now, I respect Beyonce more than Miley, but the whole “I could have another you in a minute” really cheesed me off. Yes, Beyonce, now we know that you are a whore and like it. Good for you! Now shut up.

Anyway, back to Miley.

It just feels like the perfect time to rant about her again. Remember my post from over the summer? Ha… well, here’s more.

I didn’t mind her when she first appeared out of nowhere. I watched Hannah Montana every once in awhile and kind of liked it. After some time, she definitely didn’t grow on me. SpongeBob did, but she didn’t. After the whole Vanity Fair fiasco all I remember thinking is “ew.” I never was a fan of hers, but after the magazine thing, I didn’t care for her at all. Here she is, this role model on Disney Channel for all of these young kids that love and adore her, and then she has to do something like that. Gross.

Her voice is awful, I don’t think she’s that pretty, and her chipmunk teeth annoy the hell out of me. The part in the music video when the “paparazzis” start dancing really got to me. She’s just standing there with her mouth part way open and her teeth sticking out. Very attractive. She’s obviously trying to break free of “cute little Miley” and trying to be “bad ass Miley.” It’s not working. All of these Disney people seem to think they have to prove that they aren’t as “goody goody” as they seem. It’s starting to get a little annoying, to tell you the truth.

I feel bad for all of the young kids that look up to this Miley character. Pretty soon they’ll be wearing really tight jeans and throwing their hair about in an attempt to be like Miley, who tries to be sexy. She’s a little older than I am, but she is acting like she’s in her twenties. If being a “Fly On The Wall” means having to listen to stupid gossip and hair products and clothes and shoes, well, I hope they see me and swat me. Or…I could buzz around her head and annoy the hell out of her. Yes, that sounds much better. In the meantime, I’ll stick with only ONE “Fly On The Wall.” Instead of watching Miley’s horrible video, go read the book Fly On The Wall by e. lockhart. It’s far better than any song Miley will ever sing. (Attempt to sing…)

Don’t “go with the flow”

These days I live in a world where people quote lines from movies constantly. Maybe I am bitter about this because I do not tell stories or quote movie lines very well, but it gets annoying when I ask a question and someone responds with a line from Stepbrothers or Juno or The Dark Knight. It’s as if there are no more original thoughts anymore… it’s like everyone has their own personal screenwriter. I guess people just piss me off in general.

Am I the only person in this world with confidence? When I first brought my knitting to school, everyone laughed at me – but was I discouraged? No. I kept bringing it to school despite what people thought or think. If you like something, don’t be afraid to express it. Liking something makes you who you are and what’s wrong with showing who you are? Watch me walk down the hallway in what people call my “hooker” boots and my adorable Tripp skirt. Sure, people will stare, but do you know what they are really thinking? I think that they are wishing they could do something like that; dress like that; be who they really are. I can tell when someone has their shield up…and it’s kind of disappointing. I am kind of sick of taking the initiative. There are too many people that just “go with the flow.”

I have a friend who has changed a lot in the past year. Sure, I have changed too, but I haven’t changed what I believe in or my sense of humor or anything. My friend (he has been a friend for years) recently discovered his love for God. He goes to this church that sucks people in (at least, I think they do) every Sunday, and for the extra teen things that they do. I think of it as a cult. Going to church (should church be capitalized? ‘Cause I really don’t think it should be) so often has changed him completely. It’s as if he thinks he needs to be righteous all the time and do the right thing. If we gossip around him he gets pissed off. Oh, but when he wishes to gossip, it’s okay. I really miss who he was before he became super religious. Before he started bugging me about going to church. I feel like he has a wall up, and it needs to come down. I wish to knock it down, but we fight everyday over stupid things, and I never get the chance. I am very opinionated, and he can’t seem to accept my opinion, so he gets all cheesed off when I say mine. When he says his, I consider it. I don’t really know about him anymore. He is a completely different person these days. I don’t know what happened.

Anyway, yeah, people piss me off. Most people are selfish and it drives me nuts. I may not seem like it, but I think about other things besides myself. I am concerned about world hunger (which is why I visit the Free Rice website often), the economy – I was even thinking about how I was complaining about having to wake up early to go to school this week. Then I thought about it and here’s what I came up with: here I am complaining about going to school to be with friends when there is some kid who has to wake up early to go to school and gets beat up everyday and comes home covered with bruises that his/her parents don’t even notice. Yeah, suddenly waking up early to go to a place where I have friends and am at no risk whatsoever of being beaten up (unless I piss someone off) doesn’t sound too bad.

I have scratched the two resolutions I wanted to tackle. I can’t just quit everything cold turkey – I will ease into breaking free from my habits. Right now I am trying to be extremely thoughtful. And people still piss me off.

Food network: love and hate

For the last four years or so, I have been tuning in to channel fifty to enjoy me some cooking television. Right after school I would watch some Everyday Italian with Giada De Laurentiis, and then stay put for 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray. Rachael was always my favorite because she seemed like an everyday person even though she was on a television show that thousands enjoyed. Giada just makes everything sound delicious, even if I don’t like it. Like peppers, for instance. I absolutely LOATHE peppers, but Giada always makes them sound delicious when she is cutting them up. My love for the Food Network began years before Rachael Ray got her own prime time TV show and years before anyone even knew who Giada De Laurentiis was. My brothers made fun of me for watching the Food Network, but I kept on loving it.

With my love for Food Network came my love of cooking. I made dinner whenever I could, always preparing meals I liked so I would not have to eat anything I didn’t want to. Whenever my mom was busy and couldn’t make dinner, I stepped in and helped out. Rachael and Giada made it look so easy, but it was very challenging. Sometimes when I was home alone and preparing a meal, I would stand behind our kitchen island and pretend that I was on a cooking show. Learning to chop like they do was the most challenging, but I got it down and loved the noise my knife made against the plastic cutting board my mother bought me.

I still enjoy cooking, but I do not enjoy the Food Network as much anymore. I loved how Rachael Ray would wear clothes that would make me wonder what the heck she was thinking, but now she is “fashionable” and just not herself (in my opinion). I miss the crazy lady that set her hair on fire and made stupid jokes that I always laughed at. I miss her hair that was shoulder-length and brown with blond highlights. Now her hair has a stylish cut and color, but stylish just doesn’t suit her. Now, everyone knows who she is, and I think that she’s lost herself a little bit in the process. I miss the old Rachael and her kitchen before it got its recent makeover.

Giada has always been the “perfect one” out of my two favorite chefs, but lately she’s become even more perfect. More perfect than I can stand. I just tried to watch her 4:30 show a few minutes ago, but could not stand how big her smile was, or the way she was moving around.

I miss the way things were before Rachael was as famous as she is now, and when Giada wasn’t quite so perfect. I miss coming home from school and enjoying hours of my favorite Food Network shows. I miss my love of cooking that has somewhat diminished. I miss what today I am missing.