A rainy juxtaposition

Lightning flashes. Rain hits my window, creating rivulets that slide down slow as molasses.

A peek at some raindrops.
A peek at some raindrops.

I’m safe in my room. My hotel room. My own bathroom in the back, my own king-sized bed in the front facing the window. I turn off the TV and my bedside table lamp to make it lighter outside, but sky blue sheer curtains interrupt my view slightly. The air conditioner hums to remind me I can’t open my window to smell the rain.

I’m under the covers, picking at the acne between my eyebrows and trying to string together the web of raindrops on my window to make something work. Anything work.

My parents and brothers have roofs over their heads, even though it isn’t raining where any of them are right now. There’s just one storm cloud over the palace –– yes, palace ––  I call “home.”

I can’t help but think about the man with the sign. He stands at several intersections around here. Yellow light.

Red light.

I have two bicycles, a car and a family that loves me, but no sir, I cannot spare any change.

I’m too busy buying myself smoothies, that extra bicycle, lunch and $100 worth of clothing I don’t even need. I have enough articles of clothing to last me a laundry-less month, for Christ’s sake, not to mention a backup computer just in case the one in my lap fails right now. And then a smartphone when both fail. (They won’t.)

But I won’t even look or read your sign when I pull up right next to you at that red light. There’s a $20 bill in my wallet that I don’t need, but it sure will come in handy when I want an overpriced sandwich later. Or panini. Or salted caramel ice cream from my favorite ice cream shop in town (that I’ve already been to seven times since moving back here five weeks ago). Whatever.

I’ll bop around to Katy Perry’s newest CD on one of the four iPods I own and pretend to be really interested in the license plate on the car in front of me. But I’m not.

My face gets hot, my cheeks turn red. I try to look at you using my peripherals. I want you to notice the rough condition the paint on my car’s hood is in. I want you to know that I have bills to pay, tuition to scramble around for and that I work hard for my money.

I tuck a lock of hair I paid $120 to get cut, colored and styled behind my diamond-earringed ear.

My parents don’t give me money; I provide for myself… but I can’t help but wonder who was supposed to provide for you.

You, bearded, homeless; swallowing enough pride to beg, beg for help. Admitting you need it. Not caring about the judgments and the little redheaded bitch in her Volkswagen Bug who drives by you nearly every. Single. Day.


Green light.

I’m safe in my room. My hotel room. My own bathroom in the back, my own king-sized bed in the front facing the window. But I wonder where you are tonight and hope you’re dry. I hope you’re safe. I hope I get the gall to hold out a couple dollars or even a coffee. Get everyone to do it. Start a chain reaction with the BMWs, Cadillacs and Audis around me.

But for now I’m just ashamed of myself. Ashamed of my ignorance. Ashamed because you deserve some respect, just like everyone else.

2.5 months later…

I’m still upside down. But I’m on top of the world.

On the very first day of 2013, I sat at our antique kitchen table across from my brother Adam. MacBook Pros out, Grouplove playing, coffee in hand(s). He surfed the web for music while I began my summer internship search.

With help from my oldest brother’s best friend, I built a list of at least 10 internships I planned to apply for. My criteria: close to home, communications-related, paid.

I redesigned my résumé. Had people proofread and edit it. Redesigned it again.

I designed and printed my own unique business cards. I put together the pieces I wanted to include in my mini portfolios to send out with each application. I redesigned and uploaded new pieces to my professional portfolio blog in preparation for new viewers.

It all paid off.

I have now been interviewed this semester too many times to count.

Currently, it seems I have three potential internships on the table in front of me. Pros for one pull me one way, the cons, the other way. And not one of them is very close to home.

My goal this summer was to merely have an internship. Needless to say, I never saw this coming.

Wish me luck.

My room is disgusting

I’m not the most organized person in the world, but I do like for things to have their own place and not be spread out on the pink carpet on my floor. I usually do my laundry every weekend and tidy up my room at the same time. During the week I tend to just drop everything on the floor, and by the time the weekend arrives, I cannot stand it. Last week was crazy.

Valentine’s Day was on Monday. We didn’t do anything too special, but I did make Robby’s favorite dinner (mashed potatoes with chicken, corn, gravy and cheese – it imitates the mashed potato bowl KFC offers but it’s much better). I put red food coloring into the gravy and then poured it over the mashed potatoes I had dyed pink. Voila! Happy Valentine’s Day.

Tuesday was Trevor’s 22nd birthday. We drove out to Fredonia to take him out to dinner and then afterward, Mom and Dad took off in Jordan’s car with Trevor (and Jordan, of course) so they could go visit the bar that he works at. I was left with the keys to our red Suzuki Forenza and a 19-year-old brother that didn’t want to go with me to WalMart (where I needed to pick up stuff for the induction dinner). I drove him back to his dorm, took pain reliever he provided (my back was killing me) and then drove back to WalMart all on my lonesome. Well, long story short, I couldn’t find what I needed there.

Wednesday night, Mom and I ventured to Hamburg to find the special fancy paper I needed. We didn’t get back too late, but it was still exhausting.

Thursday was the nicest day of the week. I had Bubbles’ sunroof and windows open as I ran errands around town for the dinner (I should get reimbursed for gas, dammit!). I helped set up at the dinner venue, then rushed home around 5 o’clock only to rush back down at 5:30. Friday was supposed to be my night to relax…well…you already know about that dilemma.

Anyway, back to my room.

My bedside table is covered with: hair mousse, a cup with an inch of water (I’m still working on it), hand lotion, a phone case, an orange hair tie, a green pen, a phone, an earrings box (Robby got me sapphires!), a deck of cards that Robby personalized with our photo on the back of them, an orange pen, two retainers, a box of tissues, a photo album, a pink “click” super tampon (SUUUPER TAMPON doo doo doo doo doo doo!), a photo of Robby and me at prom, a black hair tie, two glasses of I-don’t-know-what from Friday, a hair doohickey, the cap to the hair mousse, a necklace with a diary key on it, a photo of my daddy and me, a sewing needle, a blue pen, a packet of that stuff that’s supposed to help your flowers live longer (which kind of looks like a condom), ANOTHER black hair tie, an iHome with one of my iPods on it, that plastic tube thingy that flowers come in in a bouquet, and I think that’s it. Whew!

My desk is another story. From here, I can see (since I’m still in bed):two purses, an empty orange pop can, an opened bag of Haribo (Kids and grown-ups love it so, the happy world of Haribo!), a giant Hershey Kiss, a photo printer, a container of generic Febreze, a book that I’m reading, X-Men The Last Stand DVD, two Hershey Kiss tins, a Drake Bell CD (Salvation Army for $1.50!), a box of chocolates, David sunflower seeds, a chocolate sucker Robby made me for Valentine’s Day (awww), a box of green apple Tic Tacs. That’s all I’m going to name for now. Phew!

The floor is littered with three different pillows, a few bath towels, a photo collage frame that I need to finish, my schoolbag, slippers, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (since I’m rereading the series for the seventh or eighth time), wrapping paper, jewelry supplies, and I don’t feel like naming anything more.

Just take my word for it; it’s a mess. At least I disposed of that cup of coffee from Friday that had nearly solidified…it was starting to stink up the whole room. I’m still in bed…maybe I’ll close my Netbook and go back to sleep…after I finish this glass of water on my nightstand.

Climbing to the top

All County tomorrow.

Am I nervous? Naw… I have a kick-ass outfit laid out that is dressy and sophisticated, yet it lets my style show through as opposed to the first outfit I had picked out. Now all I need to do is pack my bag, get some sleep, shower in the morning (this is my review time for the music I’ll be singing that day, of course), gulp down some coffee and a bowl of the last bit of shredded wheat I saved specifically for tomorrow, paint my nails, get dressed, put on some eye makeup so my eyes don’t disappear, clean my glasses, and get out the door successfully. It can be done; I’ve done it all before.

Last year I successfully climbed to the top of my All County ladder and held a major solo in my grasp. Unfortunately, our concert was canceled due to bad weather, but I am certain that that will not be the case this year. If it does happen, I might just jump out of a five-story window. Kidding, of course.

Tomorrow I have to be prepared for anything and everything. You’d better believe that one of my many Emily bags (which to choose?!?) will be transformed into the Barney bag for a while. If you need it, I’ll have it.

Tomorrow’s going to be awesome. I get to sit in a room all day with people that competed to get where they are, just like I and a few of my choir mates have. I get to listen to someone that knows what he’s talking about (not that I don’t get that everyday anyway, because I totally do), but this guy teaches those who are at a college level (my current teacher included). This will be interesting.

My only hope is that we get a nice cozy auditorium with comfy chairs. My bottom hurts right now just thinking of the chairs we had to sit on last year.


I am no longer mourning the loss of my lovely Pumpkin. He has passed on, I have moved on (shedding tears, yes) and tried to keep living life (which really wasn’t all the hard, I am sorry to report).

Every Christmas Eve we have our Family Christmas. We wake up, open the presents that we bought for one another (I had Jordan’s name this year – yes, we pick names), and then laze around utilizing whatever it is that we received. Well, this year it was all mixed up. I woke at thirty minutes after eleven, quickly added fringe to both Jordan’s and my daddy’s scarves, and then went downstairs. Everyone was up except for Adam. I decided to take a shower while I waited for his awakening.

After I got out of the shower, my parents were almost out the door by the time I made it into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. “Gotta go run to Wal-Mart!” they said. I didn’t think anything of it.

I settled down with my coffee (don’t worry, I always put more creamer into it than actual coffee – maybe I shouldn’t even be drinking it!) in the Family Room and readied myself for the endless marathon of Man Vs Wild that was stretching out before me into infinity. My parents took off, and I sat around watching Bear and letting him teach me survival techniques. Except for the time we switched the channel to TLC (and watched that crazy family with almost eighteen kids!) because we had seen the Man Vs Wild episode that was showing, our TV stayed on Discovery Channel until my parents got home.

They pulled in, we muted the TV and went into the other room to open presents. My dad was first (him being the oldest), and so I went and got my finished scarf for him and let him open it. After that, my mom told me to wait for Trevor, and I noticed something moving in a crate near the tree. I instantly teared up and was yelling at Trevor to get in the room QUICK. As soon as he got in, I rushed over to the crate (the one with the big red bow on it that I failed to notice when I grabbed the present for my dad – I don’t even know how that happened) and opened the little grey door. Out came this tiny little grey, tan, and white kitten. I burst into tears and couldn’t stop gushing over this cute little thing. “Hey, Em! You better get the toy out for her that’s in the crate too” came Jordan’s suggestion. I kneeled down and looked in the crate, ready to reach out and grab said toy. Instead, there was a pair of tiny little eyes staring back at me. “OH MY GOD!!! TWO?!?!?!?!” Yeah, I started crying – I was so happy that I got the one – well, two – things that I wanted.

Welcome to our family little Ruby and Eloise. Already we have started calling Ruby “Rube” and “Rubes,” and Eloise has now been dubbed “Elle,” “Ellie,” “Weeze,” and “Weezie.” I have taken many a photo of them with my camera, and have spent a lot of today watching them play in the bathroom (where they are staying for now). It’s going to be fun to watch them grow up!!!


It seems to me like summer never even happened. Now that I am in the day-to-day “school” routine, everything is back to normal. My iPod (PANDORA!!!) sings me the song I picked out the night before at around 5:45 every morning, and then I wait for the playlist to run out before I get up (usually around 6:20). I get up, take a shower, eat breakfast (well, drink some coffee to prevent future headaches), and wash my face before I let my hair down and mess around with it. I walk out the door wearing some crazy outfit (today it is a pair of crazy colored Bermuda shorts, brown high top Chucks with pink shoelaces, a red Hollister 3/4 polo and a white tank top underneath – I know! Hollister! *gasp!*).

School is just okay. Being a sophomore is definitely different. I open up the day with band, then either English or Earth Science for eighty minutes, lunch (yes, at ten o’clock in the morning), Spanish (which has been simple so far because the regular teacher is out sick and our substitute does not know a single word of the language), Global (my teacher is hilarious!) and then Chamber Choir. After Chamber Choir comes either a study hall (where I am right now) or PE. Then, the dreaded Geometry. I have found it easier to focus this year in math. I already got a 100% on our first test, and was the only student to receive said grade (YES! I put it on the fridge! xD).