Go back to high school, sweetheart

I probably shouldn’t roll my eyes at relationships that extended original roots whilst in high school, but I just can’t help it. I’ve seen so many young women with short leashes too often to sit back and shut up. Especially since I too once had a useless, constraining leash.

Christian and me at 15 and 14
Christian and me at 15 and 14

I talked to my friend Christian on the phone for over an hour the other night. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss; now we’re just very good friends. We talked about our self-diagnosed psychological problems and I, of course, blame a lot of mine on the controlling relationship I’d been in after Christian and I broke up. I couldn’t hang out with anyone but the boyfriend, forcing other friendships to fade and often igniting arguments.

“I remember you saying that you couldn’t tell him I was there when you hung out with Kevin,” Christian said, referring to our other good friend. “Shouldn’t that have been a red flag?”

Yeah. I definitely should have realized that was wrong.

When my two best girlfriends stopped contacting me to hang out, I should have realized something was up. Everyone else did. Nobody told me.

When my friend died last October, I really didn’t want to see everyone from high school again. My boyfriend-shrouded brain thought nobody from high school liked me.

Quite the contrary, actually.

We sat around the fire exchanging stories about our friend. My former classmates laughed at things I said and several of them told me sincerely they’d missed me and wanted to see me around more. I don’t think they realized how much those comments truly meant to me.

My high school-rooted relationship made me hate college my freshman year. I had fun when he visited me, but I also lost out on plenty of potential friendships because he always wanted it to be just the two of us.

Here are five things for you high school sweethearts to keep in mind:

1.) Can you really see the relationship going anywhere?
I don’t care how long you’ve been dating or how easy everything is, if the two of you are going in completely different directions, it’s probably not worth it.

2.) Will your significant other hold you back?
Maybe he or she isn’t as motivated as you are. If that person doesn’t support you in reaching your full potential, better think twice.

3.) How far away are you from each other? 
It’s one thing to go to the same school, it’s another to be left at home, or vice versa. If you’ve answered “no” and “yes” so far respectively, driving two hours to see him/her every weekend isn’t worth it. Maybe you can work things out if you go to the same school, but read on to number four.

4.) Does he/she support your friendships/trust you?
If your only friend is him or her because you’re not allowed to spend time with anyone else, see ya. If you do end up attending the same school, you still need to branch out. What happens if it really doesn’t work out and you had invested all of your time and energy for friendships into him/her? That sucks.

5.) Are you happy?
The most important one. If the person who is supposed to make you happy is failing, you need to really think about your relationship. The constant Snap Chatting and texting is obnoxious if he/she doesn’t even satisfy your happiness. You should be happy to see him/her, not dreading the sight of him/her. You should enjoy one another’s company. Once that excitement stops, your relationship probably should, too.

 

I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I’ve been there. Two years ago, I would have answered each of those questions negatively. Clearly something was wrong, it just took me a while to realize it.

I’m scared

Lately I have been having a hard time accepting things. Namely the fact that once a moment is over, I can never get it back. All I can do is remember. That’s what really hits me hard.

I don’t cherish school days. Those are going to constantly be churning for the next eight months. I have plenty of those moments left. No, it’s the little things and moments that happen in my life that I’m scared to lose after they happen. After Homecoming, I told myself to cherish the feeling of the hot water bubbling around me and the pleasant conversation exchanging between the three (and at one point, four) of us. I told myself to live it because it would soon be gone. Now, all I can do is remember. And, it bugs me.

What also gets me is that I will have an amazing time with a certain group of people, but the sad fact is that the odds of being in the company of these same certain people are very slim. Especially once this year is over and some of them head off to college to begin the second part of their lives.

I’m scared that I’ll wake up and look in the mirror to find my 25-year-old self staring back and not know where the hell the time went. I’m scared about the future. I know that I want to get married and have a kid or two, but what is frightening is that I can’t see beyond that daydream. I can’t picture what my kids will look like or who my husband will be. I know it’s going to happen eventually, but that’s all I know. And, that scares me.

I’m scared that I’ll wake up and greet the morning of my very last day on Earth without even knowing it.

A DJ, a gym and some glow sticks

At 7:o0 yesterday morning, “Into The Ocean” by Blue October started bursting out of the speakers on my triangular iHome. I continually hit the “snooze” button until I could do so no longer. I gave up at 7:30 and dragged my sorry butt out of bed to face what would turn into an extremely long day.

This weekend was Homecoming weekend. The problem was, I hadn’t given Homecoming a single thought because I had a huge obstacle to get through first. Conveniently, we had a cross-country meet in the freezing cold wind and mud. And, my race was to be the last race of the day. We left at 8:30 in order to get there by 10:00, and I didn’t run until 2:30. All of this equals one long and cold day.

I ran well, and yes, hanging out with the team is always fun. I finally met the guy that has been taking pictures at meets (in which I sometimes appeared) for years, and coincidentally he is also one of my employers. I got to snuggle with five of my teammates to build up the warmth we so desperately sought and got to experience one crazy bus ride.

After my race, we [my family] left immediately. After a few stops along the way, we finally got home at 5:00, and my boyfriend was to be at the house at 6:30 to get some pictures taken beforehand.

The dance was fun. My only complaint was the complete lack of slow songs. He (one of my brother’s friends who played the DJ) must have wanted to keep up with the “rave” theme Student Council had whipped up, but he only played three slow songs and I, along with many others, was disappointed. The entire gym smelled like bare feet and glow stick fluid because people kept breaking open the complimentary glow sticks everyone wore around their necks. A friend of mine actually got squirted in the eye with one at the very beginning of the dance, and she commented that it was very painful.

Afterward, we headed up to a friend’s house to attempt an all-nighter. Everyone but my boyfriend, my friend and me fell asleep. At five o’clock, we decided to get back in the hot tub and didn’t end up surfacing from it until seven. And yes, we got very prune-y.

It was a fun night. I was happy that my boyfriend and I matched perfectly and it’s always a treat to see classmates all dolled up instead of just sauntering around in their pajamas or jeans during the average school day.

101_1248

101_1204

The “Roaring” Promenade

Prom. I attended the Junior Prom this year, but now I have my own to think about for next year. I think that prom is an overrated drawn-out thing that shouldn’t have been made into such a big deal. I know girls that spend hundreds of dollars on a stupid prom dress that they will only wear once. All prom is is a dance. A dance where fancy dresses and tuxes seem to be absolutely essential. The prom court is just a popularity contest. Honestly, it’s not much different than its sister Homecoming.

I want my Junior Prom to be a recreation of the “Roarin'” Twenties. This means short flapper dresses, a jazz band, and dances consisting of the Foxtrot, waltz, tango, the Charleston and the Lindy Hop. All of this would take place where else but in our high school gymnasium where prom is supposed to be rather than having it at some fancy-ass resort that costs tons of money. Let’s put aside the money that could be spent on prom and put it towards our Senior trip so nobody will have to open up their wallets. Let’s eliminate the unnecessary limousine costs and have our dance right across from the place where coronation takes place. Let’s go back to how it was in the good ol’ days.

All I want is to walk in in a cute little short flapper dress (sparkly but not too sparkly and outrageous) with my boyfriend on my arm, hear the band strike up their saxophones and trumpets and have a grand time. (Holden Caulfield would kill me for that “grand” remark.) The gym won’t be recognizable, the bar could be transformed into a speakeasy, and it will be so corny that it will turn out to be a blast. None of the stupid rap crap or the preferable dance known as “grinding.” No, instead we will dance the Charleston.

This will never happen, but I can dream, right? I bet my dream for prom is much different than the average teenage girl’s. But hey, we’re in a recession, it’s time to be practical.

Devouring books, one at a time

What started out simply as a goal to stock up my bookshelf on Shelfari grew and grew. I constantly made trips to the library after finishing a big stack of books my mother purchased for me. My goal was to reach thirty. Well guess what? I DID IT!

Books devoured this summer of 2008:

  1. Chicks With Sticks (Knit Two Together) by Elizabeth Lenhard (244 pages)
  2. Peeled by Joan Bauer (247 pages)
  3. How To Be Popular by Meg Cabot (288 pages)
  4. Pretty Face by Mary Hogan (213)
  5. Airhead by Meg Cabot (337 pages)
  6. Skin by Adrienne Maria Vrettos (227 pages)
  7. Forever by Judy Blume (192 pages)
  8. The Boyfriend List by e. lockhart (229 pages)
  9. Gender Blender by Blake Nelson (182 pages)
  10. A Brief Chapter In My Impossible Life by Dana Reinhardt (228 pages)
  11. Twisted by Laurie Halse Anderson (250 pages)
  12. The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks (263 pages)
  13. At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks (277 pages)
  14. The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon (374 pages)
  15. The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld (269 pages)
  16. Dangerously Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor (304 pages)
  17. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (214 pages)
  18. Smart Boys & Fast Girls by Stephie Davis (178 pages)
  19. Boomsday by Christopher Buckley (318 pages)
  20. Something To Blog About by Shana Norris (246 pages)
  21. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer (754 pages)
  22. Homecoming by Cynthia Voigt (402 pages)
  23. Briana’s Gift by Lurlene McDaniel (160 pages)
  24. Prom by Laurie Halse Anderson (215 pages)
  25. This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff (304 pages)
  26. Reach For Tomorrow by Lurlene McDaniel (171 pages)
  27. The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen (374 pages)
  28. Hit and Run by Lurlene McDaniel (180 pages)
  29. The Missing Girl by Norma Fox Mazer (284 pages)
  30. Fly On The Wall by e. lockhart (192 pages)

There we have it. My reading frenzy began in June and did not end until last night. I feel so accomplished now that I know that I can read thirty books in such a short amount of time. My favorite out out of all these was definitely The Catcher in the Rye.

I have read 8,116 pages this summer… And I enjoyed every single one.