No smiling allowed

It’s pretty bad when you have to remind yourself to be happy.

That you seriously have plenty of reasons to be happy. And yet, you still aren’t.

Generally, when I’m out in public, I like to smile at passersby. But those who fail to smile back or just look downright miserable tend to piss me off.

I would have pissed myself off tonight. I lay in bed in the fetal position for awhile before deciding to get up and do something. I changed into shorts, laced up my pink Nikes and off I went, knapsack on back. I walked by the museum, across the bridge, in front of the headquarters building and around near the draw tower. I. Didn’t. Smile. Once.

I had time to think about things –– I decided I’m not going to get pissed off at people who look like they are miserable. Maybe they are. Maybe absolutely nothing has worked out in his/her life, giving him/her the right to frown. Or maybe his/her grandmother just passed away and he/she is having a really tough time. Does that last one describe someone you know? Because you should be making a connection right about now.

I’m not okay. I have nearly every reason in the world to be okay, but I’m really not.

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The draw tower. Have you figured out where I’ve been living all summer yet?

You don’t know me

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. (Literally: ass-u-me.) I have always greatly appreciated this little saying. It’s perfectly witty and clever, and as an extra bonus, it’s perfectly true.

These days, I’m sick of people assuming when it concerns me. Not only are they making an ass out of themselves, but they’re dragging me along with them into the ass-y pool.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have received so many comments from people I love about how I “must hate the world.” I like to share my opinions, and though they aren’t always positive, I like to throw them out there. The problem is, nobody ever bites my bait. Everyone just seems to think that I abhor the world. Everything I say and everything I do supports this theory, apparently.  I will admit that I’m a little cynical and extremely critical, but that doesn’t mean I hate everything. People should just stop assuming that hating is all I do. I’m very opinionated and I can’t help but express those opinions, no matter how negative they may be.

I guess it just goes to show who knows me and who really a

I love life, I just don’t always like the people involved in mine. So, sometimes people should just stop assuming, because when they do about me, they are almost always wrong. They just make asses out of themselves and me when I sputter and try to defend my poor, “negative” little self. The people that assume are the people that only see me as the Emily I portray in school. Of course she’s going to be miserable; it’s school.

I guess this just goes to show who knows me and who really and truly does not.

But here it comes again

Right now Mother Nature is displaying my favorite kind of weather: rain. And it’s not that yucky cold rain that makes everything look miserable – it’s of the nice spring variety; my favorite. It’s the kind that makes me want to sit out on the porch for hours on end. Or, at least, until it stops comin’ down.

I don’t know why, but I love the rain. It’s just something new and different after a couple of dry days. Right now I am experiencing a strong urge to tie on my bathing suit and frolic around in the falling wetness. After this long week that seems like the perfect thing to do, but I’ll never do it. Not by myself, at least. I’ll wait until I have a certain someone to frolic with.

I can tell by the stands

I knew that I had a lot of work to make up when I got back in school today, but I didn’t know how overwhelmed I would be. Along my journey through the hell that is today, I found that we have a Spanish test and an Earth Science test tomorrow. Spanish should not be too bad (besides the fact that we have a monster of a substitute), but Earth Science is a subject I am doomed to fail.

Right now I should be in Mr. Reeves’ classroom to make up a Geometry test that I never finished, but guess what? I would much rather blog my heart out. Today I was stretched to my limit, and unfortunately I am not a rubber band that just goes back and takes its old shape.

I knew right away that today was going to be a bad day. My mother left me to decide whether or not I was going to attend school today, but I knew that I had to. We have block periods (which I totally disagree with), so missing one day of school means one is technically missing TWO days of either English or Biology/Earth Science/Chemistry/Physics. Imagine if a person misses a whole five-day week of school. Not only will that person be trying to recover from whatever kept them out of school, but they also have a mountain of homework to do.

Anyway, back to why I knew today would be a bad day. I entered the band room (late, of course because I had to wait in line at the office to hand in my excuse) and sat down in my chair. Yes, I got greetings that sounded like “she’s back!” and “good morning!” and “are you feeling better?” but that still didn’t boost my mood. I sat down and set my band folder on the stand and placed my bag onto the floor. When I tried to raise my stand up, it would not budge at all. I looked at Becca (who sits next to me) and said “well, this is going to be the broken stand that breaks off when I use more force to raise it.” Sure enough, the top of the stand popped off. I can usually tell what kind of a day I will have by the condition of the stand I am using that day in band. I got up to find a new stand, but they were all in use, so Becca and I had to share (even though we are supposed to all have our own).

English began. I handed in my essay, but did not and still do not have a very good feeling about it. We watched The Glass Menagerie and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Lunch then Spanish. It was in Spanish that I realized that I really seriously cannot hear very well. For some reason, the cold that I have settled in my ears and I can barely hear out of my left and am totally deaf in my right. I was trying to talk to a friend, but he had to keep repeating himself because he talks softly and I could not hear anything. Not fun.

With Global came my first bloody nose of the day. I tore out of the room and ran into the bathroom where I would be safe for a few minutes. I managed to stop the blood from flowing, and returned to Global. Right before Chamber Choir ended, I felt my nose running again and flew out of the room once more. I returned, the bell rang, and now here I am.

So far today has been a miserable day. Maybe cross-country practice will cure all of my agonies. (Ha, yeah right!)