One month later

I can’t recall a month in my life that could possibly be happier than the one I just lived. Robby and I have been nearly inseparable for a month now, and I’ve loved every minute of it.

We’ve been together 11 times in the past 11 days. We see each other at least once a day, no matter what day it is. We do something different everyday, too, and we never have a plan. He comes over or I go over to his house and we just do whatever. It’s as simple as that. There is no prep time to take into account. We’ve watched a million movies, played a million games and had a million conversations. Last night, we walked my dogs and visited my grandparents before he watched me dominate in Guitar Hero in our “rumpus room.”

I’m always thinking about him and always get ideas for things to do for him. I got a great idea today while we were in Target after we went to the movies to see The Crazies (it was okay…just a little gory, but I had Robby there to protect me), but couldn’t tell him what it was. When he asked to know, I simply shook my head and said “you’ll find out soon enough!” He also has something he’s saving for today to celebrate one happy month together, and I cannot wait to see what’s in store!

We have so many plans. This week, we’re going four-wheeling with his dad (who is awesome) and in the very near future we’re going to go on camping trips with both his family and then mine. Summer will be great as long as he can come over everyday. We’ll spend the first month of vacation looking forward to those Yankees games in Cleveland we’re going to in late July with his dad, my dad and possibly one of my brothers.

Which reminds me of another thing. Our school’s baseball teams haven’t had a single game yet, but I’ve already seen Robby play baseball twice. The other day after track practice, I headed over to the baseball field and watched him play for an hour without him knowing. I saw his dad too, but neither of them knew I was there. When I went into the JV dugout to say goodbye to him, the look on his face was one I’ll never forget. When he told his dad later that I had been there, his reply was: “why didn’t she come over and see me?!?!?” That’s when I knew, once again, that I’ve got it good.

Right now I’m listening to my playlist of songs that remind me of him. I just can’t get enough. I’m pretty sure he fell asleep, because he was supposed to call me at one o’clock, but that’s okay. We have a whole day stretching out ahead of us once I get my research paper done today. I have no doubt in my mind that we’ll see each other. I love that.

The butterflies have risen!

You know how you have to be in one of those moods to really appreciate artists like Marilyn Manson, Eyes Set to Kill and Every Time I Die? Well, I’m in one of those moods. I had Persephone going on shuffle, and she was doing pretty good until an ETID song came on, and I realized that I am in the mood for them today. I don’t know why; it’s not like I’m cranky or anything at the moment, now just seems like to right time to listen to something that is so beautifully screamy. I just can’t describe it.

I’m feeling pretty damn good, actually. The butterflies are alive again within me (you’d have to be a regular reader of my poetry to understand that reference, and I am the only one that fits in that department) and they flitter and flutter every once in awhile to remind me that they’ve been released from their cocoons once more.

So, there’s this guy. Well, actually, there are several guys at the moment, but whatever. He doesn’t even go to our school (and plus I know the ones from G-Town could never click with me…and the one that actually could has a girlfriend, even though he agrees with me on that subject), and yet for some reason I have a good idea about him. See, I’ve known him practically my whole life. The last time I saw him, he was shorter than me and kind of geeky. Okay, really geeky. We just didn’t mesh. Now, we received a Christmas card from them, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I don’t really know if he’s my type, but I’m willing to find out. He’s tall, not anorexic-esque skinny, but nicely shaped and he plays hockey. Yeah, the hockey thing is what won me over. I like a guy who can play a real manly sport (that ISN’T football).

I told myself yesterday that if he came online in the facebook chat thing, I would say hello. Well, he came online. My heart started beating faster, but I didn’t do anything. Instead, I just kept clicking “Home” to distract myself with the posting of meaningless statuses by my other “friends.” I think that if we were to start hanging out, that’d be pretty cool, regardless of the driving distance between us. It’s only, like, an hour, so so what? Once I get my license I’ll be able to make that commute.

But, I’m not promising anything with anyone. I noticed several different guys making eye contact with me at the dance (will post pictures later, I promise!) and I became attached to one and realized that I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him, too. I don’t want to date anyone, I just want to go on dates and see how it is. Kiss a few guys, take in a few movies, hold a couple different pairs of hands; that’s all I want. I’m back to the “he likes me, he likes me not” thing again, and I am thoroughly enjoying it. This time, I’m not going to sit around and wait for something to happen (with the one exception yesterday!); I’m going to do something about it if I want someone that bad. I’m going to drop hints and be flirty and cute in a subtle way and play hard-to-get. This is what’s fun about being a teenager; fun that I’ve been missing out on for years because I was always stuck solely on one person.

Well, watch out. Have you ever felt that pitter patter of your heart when you see someone walk down the hallway? I have, and it’s not focused on just one person anymore.

I’m partial to lycans

I’ve seen the Underworld movies too many times to even count. Over the years, Kate Beckinsale has become a hero of mine. Not many women can kick ass in a skin-tight leather suit – thus, she’s one of my heroes. When I found out that they were coming out with a prequel, I was a little apprehensive. No Kate Beckinsale? C’mon! How could they possibly do this to me? Well, they did. And you know what? It was still effin’ awesome.

We don’t go to the movie theaters very often, so I knew that I would never have a chance to see the new movie in theaters (just like how I know I won’t see the Wolverine movie until I can get my hands on the DVD). So, I have been waiting for the movie to come out on DVD. Adam bought it yesterday, and finally (FINALLY!) we watched it tonight.

Wow. WOW! I’ve always been partial to the lycans more than the vampires, and this movie just confirmed my love for them. In the first movie, Lucian became my hero. For some odd reason, I fell in love with him. In the second movie when they revealed hints of his troubled past, my love grew deeper. Now that I know the whole story, he’s like a Gawd to me. Sure, I liked Michael too, but Lucian always remained my favorite.

Along with confirming my hate for the vampires, this movie set my hate for Viktor in stone. What kind of father burns his daughter alive? (Yeah, yeah, I know it’s only fictional…but still.) I remember being thrilled when Selene sliced his head in half in Underworld: Evolution, and now I have even more reason to enjoy that killing.

There was no Kate Beckinsale (well, barely any). So what? It was still enjoyable for me. And I still love Lucian.

Don’t “go with the flow”

These days I live in a world where people quote lines from movies constantly. Maybe I am bitter about this because I do not tell stories or quote movie lines very well, but it gets annoying when I ask a question and someone responds with a line from Stepbrothers or Juno or The Dark Knight. It’s as if there are no more original thoughts anymore… it’s like everyone has their own personal screenwriter. I guess people just piss me off in general.

Am I the only person in this world with confidence? When I first brought my knitting to school, everyone laughed at me – but was I discouraged? No. I kept bringing it to school despite what people thought or think. If you like something, don’t be afraid to express it. Liking something makes you who you are and what’s wrong with showing who you are? Watch me walk down the hallway in what people call my “hooker” boots and my adorable Tripp skirt. Sure, people will stare, but do you know what they are really thinking? I think that they are wishing they could do something like that; dress like that; be who they really are. I can tell when someone has their shield up…and it’s kind of disappointing. I am kind of sick of taking the initiative. There are too many people that just “go with the flow.”

I have a friend who has changed a lot in the past year. Sure, I have changed too, but I haven’t changed what I believe in or my sense of humor or anything. My friend (he has been a friend for years) recently discovered his love for God. He goes to this church that sucks people in (at least, I think they do) every Sunday, and for the extra teen things that they do. I think of it as a cult. Going to church (should church be capitalized? ‘Cause I really don’t think it should be) so often has changed him completely. It’s as if he thinks he needs to be righteous all the time and do the right thing. If we gossip around him he gets pissed off. Oh, but when he wishes to gossip, it’s okay. I really miss who he was before he became super religious. Before he started bugging me about going to church. I feel like he has a wall up, and it needs to come down. I wish to knock it down, but we fight everyday over stupid things, and I never get the chance. I am very opinionated, and he can’t seem to accept my opinion, so he gets all cheesed off when I say mine. When he says his, I consider it. I don’t really know about him anymore. He is a completely different person these days. I don’t know what happened.

Anyway, yeah, people piss me off. Most people are selfish and it drives me nuts. I may not seem like it, but I think about other things besides myself. I am concerned about world hunger (which is why I visit the Free Rice website often), the economy – I was even thinking about how I was complaining about having to wake up early to go to school this week. Then I thought about it and here’s what I came up with: here I am complaining about going to school to be with friends when there is some kid who has to wake up early to go to school and gets beat up everyday and comes home covered with bruises that his/her parents don’t even notice. Yeah, suddenly waking up early to go to a place where I have friends and am at no risk whatsoever of being beaten up (unless I piss someone off) doesn’t sound too bad.

I have scratched the two resolutions I wanted to tackle. I can’t just quit everything cold turkey – I will ease into breaking free from my habits. Right now I am trying to be extremely thoughtful. And people still piss me off.