Selling it backward

Okay, so I can’t sleep. It’s like one of those things where you cannot locate something because you are looking for it. I’m trying to sleep and so it evades me. Bastard.

I’ve been coughing and sniffling. There’s already some crust in my eyes as if it cannot wait to glue my eyes shut when I try to open them in eight hours. Nasty visual, I know. This stupid cold has settled in my poor eyes. I should have downed some NyQuil three hours ago, but after this cold is gone I know I would still be taking it to help me sleep. I’m trying to stay off sleeping aids.

Lack of sleep brings on the thinking.

Here is something I have realized about myself: I am constantly surrounded by ungrateful people. The sad part is, most of the time it’s by choice. 

One of my favorite things to do is to buy/make gifts for people. Each Christmas I squirm impatiently. The reactions my gifts receive send me soaring for weeks (especially last Christmas when my mom and I ended up giving each other the same exact book).

That being sa–written, I also love to put together goody bags for the people I love when they are sick. Grandma and Papa used to do this for my brothers and me, and I’ve kept up with it when I can.

My senior year of high school, I popped into my then-best-friend’s house with a goody bag full of treats when she had been out sick for days. I even wore a doctor’s mask as a joke and adorned rubber gloves when we played cards (cards from the goody bag, of course). She loved it. It floored me to put a smile on her face and to hear the laugh that I so loved.

During February break of my senior year I was sick as a dog. The aforementioned friend texted me and asked how I was feeling. She also asked if she could come up to my house to retrieve the sunglasses she’d left in my car. I, of course, responded with a “sure!”, thinking maybe – just maybe – she was going to return the favor I’d done for her. I grew excited to spend time with her – this friend never failed to make me laugh.

She didn’t show up until night had long since fell.

It turns out that all she really cared about was getting her sunglasses back so she could wear them on her sun-filled vacation.

It didn’t hit me at the time, but it has since. By granting her with a care package, it was not my intention to ensure she returned the favor down the road. But I had paid it forward, and I thought maybe – just maybe – she would do the same.

I got my hopes up and was let down.

Last Christmas, I spent hours making jewelry and knitting scarves for some of my friends as gifts. I wrapped them, they opened them, they loved them; all was well in Emily world. I hadn’t expected anything in return and I didn’t get anything.

But what hit me the most were the months that followed.

Not once did I see any of them wearing what I had made them. It especially hurt when I noticed one scarf hanging up, left behind for the entirety of Christmas break.

I look back and wish I would have kept the necklaces I made for them – I certainly would have incorporated them in my daily wardrobe.

I like to make people feel good. I know from experience that one nice comment, a little note or even a small gift can turn the whole day around. Pay it forward.

My friend got me a model of a vintage Volkswagen Beetle for absolutely no reason at all. I absolutely loved the spontaneity. Now, whenever I see something small that she might like, I get it for her without even hesitating. I know she’s someone who will appreciate it.

Not everybody does.

Emily IS Strange

And here I am again, staring at the empty white block of WordPress space. You know, when I started this blog back in 2008, I thought of specific topics to cover in each post. Rants included my fourteen-year-old hatred for Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, and all things normal. On the family computer, I most frequented my blog, MySpace, and Emily the Strange’s Society of Strange. I had over 3,000 posts on that society website. I was dismayed to find it no longer there one day. All of my “hard work” was wasted.

I was “different.” I was “misunderstood.” My hair was red and I skipped around the high school wearing fishnets and crazy skirts, undoubtedly designed by Tripp, the gothic clothing brand. I sported Emily the Strange gear, spent tons of money on band merchandise, and listened to nothing but Escape the Fate, Bullet for my Valentine, and the like. (Not the band The Like.)

Yep, I’m insulting the very girl who began this blog. The only decent things she did was start a blog in the first place, and name it “Blackbyrd” after The Beatles song. It could have been something like “There’s No Sympathy for the Dead” (ETF) or “Kiss and Control” (AFI), but it wasn’t.

My blog is growing with me, and that was made possible by my choice to name it “Blackbyrd.”

As for me, I will keep updating and growing. I’m thanking my fourteen-year-old self for buying those band tee shirts – they make for extremely comfy lounging tees now.

The one with the ball on it

Am I littering the Internet with my teenage rants?

Guess I’d better write a letter apologizing to the poor Internet…not.

I think that what I have to say is semi-worthwhile to any reader. Anyone who reads what I write must care and must be interested. Chances are, they feel the same way about issues as I do.

Here are things that have been on my mind lately:

  • Dyson vacuum cleaners
  • Annoying girls that take pictures of themselves in the bathrooms at school
  • My photography project

This guy, Sir James Dyson (apparently he was knighted? I just checked Wikipedia), puts a ball on his vacuum and voila! He can charge hundreds of dollars for it. Yeah, it has other things going for it, too (it’s bag-less and other such things like that), but holy crap! I don’t know anyone (other than a couple of my relatives… *cough cough*) who would pay close to $500 on a vacuum cleaner! Sure, we have two cats and two dogs that shed like crazy (well, Ollie the cock-a-poo doesn’t really, but that’s beside the point), and our $99 vacuum works just fine. It’s bag-less, but it doesn’t have the fancy ball that pivots. Oh well. I’m not going to be losing any sleep over it. You’re probably wondering: why the hell is she going off about a vacuum cleaner? Well, I saw the snippets of one of his latest commercials, and he says (and it sounded kind of cocky to me) that other vacuums may have the features of the Dyson, but just remember that Dyson was the first. I don’t really know where I’m going with this now. Yeah. On a funnier note: when we went to get our $99 vacuum (which works just fine!), a group of teenage girls came through the aisle at Target and said “ehmagawd let’s find the one with the ball on it!” …Guess I never knew vacuum cleaners were so exciting.

Annoying girls that take pictures of themselves in the bathrooms at school. When I go to the bathroom, I actually go to the bathroom. I find a stall (usually the second one from the left, but I’m not too picky), pull down my pants and do my business (sorry, probably went too far there). I guess other girls just stand in front of the mirror, fluff up their hair and fix their makeup (because apparently, carrying around your makeup bag is essential). I even saw a girl head to the bathroom with her hair straightener in hand once. After she’s done, she must think that she looks too banging to not take a picture of herself, so she takes out her cell phone, makes a face at the mirror and presses the button. (I’ve always wondered how girls have learned to take that kind of a picture and make it look straight…it’s mindboggling). Then, it’s her Facebook profile picture. This is where I groan upon seeing the picture on Facebook. I guess girls think there’s something attractive about the way they look in the dim light our school bathrooms shine onto them. The sink behind them is super attractive, too. As is the obvious line of bathroom stalls.

My photography project. It’s due on Monday. I’ve had all week and haven’t started it yet. Yep. Procrastination at its best, right here.

Sorry if you think that my posts are littering the Internet. : )

Pumpkin eaters

Yesterday morning, I walked into homeroom and found three of my classmates rushing to get their AP History homework. Oh, and did I mention that the majority of them were copying the homework of another classmate of mine who wasn’t even in the room? Yeah, I didn’t think so. The sad thing? Two out of the three are ahead of me in class ranking, even though they can’t seem to find the time to do their homework. It made me sick when we passed our homework up to the front of the classroom in AP History the next period. The girls that had copied nonchalantly passed theirs up and then struck up a conversation with their neighbor. They didn’t notice the smoke coming out of my ears due to the rage building up in my head.

Even though I did the homework, those two that are ahead of me will still beat me on the test we take on the homework. That’s just how it works. They get by by copying and cheating, and then when the time comes to take the test, they try their best and guess here and there, and somehow nearly always beat me.

I considered raising my hand and informing the teacher about the cheating that had taken place. I thought about getting in their faces and screaming. But, I never act on these thoughts. It’s extremely likely that the teacher wouldn’t do anything about it; people cheat all the time. People cheat all the time and get away with it. Even if I had raised this problem I’ve been facing now for YEARS to the attention of the administrators at my school, I doubt they would even give it a second glance.

My friend that is currently ranked 3rd in my class is smarter than our so-called Valedictorian. Our Valedictorian (at the moment) always asks my friend what answers she put for questions on homework, and her text messages to my friend are constantly about schoolwork.

I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I don’t blatantly ask someone for their homework so I can copy it word-for-word. That, to me, is not called rightfully earning what you have. I’m ranked eighth. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m not arguing with it, and I plan on staying up there. It just sucks knowing that the people ahead of me are going to stay up there by cheating their way through.

School

It seems to me like summer never even happened. Now that I am in the day-to-day “school” routine, everything is back to normal. My iPod (PANDORA!!!) sings me the song I picked out the night before at around 5:45 every morning, and then I wait for the playlist to run out before I get up (usually around 6:20). I get up, take a shower, eat breakfast (well, drink some coffee to prevent future headaches), and wash my face before I let my hair down and mess around with it. I walk out the door wearing some crazy outfit (today it is a pair of crazy colored Bermuda shorts, brown high top Chucks with pink shoelaces, a red Hollister 3/4 polo and a white tank top underneath – I know! Hollister! *gasp!*).

School is just okay. Being a sophomore is definitely different. I open up the day with band, then either English or Earth Science for eighty minutes, lunch (yes, at ten o’clock in the morning), Spanish (which has been simple so far because the regular teacher is out sick and our substitute does not know a single word of the language), Global (my teacher is hilarious!) and then Chamber Choir. After Chamber Choir comes either a study hall (where I am right now) or PE. Then, the dreaded Geometry. I have found it easier to focus this year in math. I already got a 100% on our first test, and was the only student to receive said grade (YES! I put it on the fridge! xD).