For those significant ripples…

Every person who crosses your path ends up making a difference in your life, no matter what.

It could be something minuscule, but there are no meaningless encounters, acquaintances or relationships.

You could model your behavior after someone else’s, or you could decide you want to be nothing like someone in particular. But, despite what you may think, that person you dislike made an impact on you in some way, shape or form.

Because of this, there is absolutely no point in regretting things. Failed relationships provide you with a way to go. You discover what you like and what you don’t like in a friend or romantic interest. And as soon as that unlikeable attribute appears in someone you’re interested in, you know you can either nip it in the bud or ride it out, hoping it goes away.

But enough of my preaching. Let’s make this a little more personal.

I think about Robby sometimes and wonder how he’s doing. I feel like I’m stocking up on life experiences and relationships and taking notes so I’m ready when the time comes to fill him in. I imagine we’ll be friends again someday and genuinely look forward to it. Pretending someone doesn’t exist is stupid; he exists and we existed together. And we loved each other. And we helped build each other. Regretting my relationship with him would be pointless because he made me who I am.

And I love who I am. I love who I’ve become. I found things I love in a man and things I despise. And I’ve carried those preferences into other relationships. He was an essential building block and the mere first step into the world of adulthood (I once thought he would be the entire staircase).

I’m Emily. Independent, focused and constantly trying to improve myself and the way I think.

And now I’ve found another man who keeps making me into a better person.

Some people will make tiny, insignificant ripples in your pond. For the larger ones, make sure you come out with a positive attitude. The people you associate yourself with make you/have made you into who you are, like it or not.

A stalemate of a friendship

Should it bother me? Because it does.

We’ve reached a sort of stalemate in our relationship. I am certainly not making the first move. Not after this.

The first move should have come from my opponent quite a few weeks ago. An informative text would have been nice. I would have planned accordingly. I was incapacitated that weekend, but it still would have been nice to know.

Instead, it was a complete slap in the face to log into Facebook that Sunday evening and see those pictures.

All I am is hurt and pissed every time I think about it and every time I see those happy-go-lucky pictures.

Guess payback’s a bitch, Emily.

Unexpected kindness (the best kind)

Robby and I are not perfect. We argue and have disagreements and hurt each other. We have a lot of fun when we’re together, and therefore hate it when we’re apart. College has posed as one big obstacle we are working on climbing over.

Usually our conversations are light and full of laughter, but tonight was different. Tonight, the phone call was not a fun one.

I won’t delve into the details. It’s our business, not yours. But, I can reveal that the call contained topics we’ve been over before. And I always make things worse by putting my least flattering quality on display: impatience.

An hour later, a tired, frustrated me requested an end to the phone call. I pushed one button and his voice ceased to exist in my ear. Normally I can forget things and carry on with life, but I knew that our repetitive conversation would stick with me.

And it did.

I got out of bed, slipped on my moccasins, grabbed my toothbrush, towel, face wash and toothpaste, and silently prayed that nobody on my floor was out and about to see my tear stained face.

I opened my door and BAM! Girl sitting on the floor with homework papers and textbooks scattered around her. I looked at her for a moment, then remembered my distorted face and turned away to walk down the hallway.

Wait, she’s been dating her boyfriend for over four years, I thought, I remember learning that when I met her at orientation! So, I turned, cleared my throat, and asked, “Do you and your boyfriend fight often?”

Twenty minutes later, I sat on the ground across from her, still in the conversation I stirred up with that initial question. We covered everything from homework, roommates, and my best friend leaving St. Bonaventure to the boyfriend topic and what we’re both doing this weekend. I met her at orientation, but failed to followup last fall when we moved in. And she lives across the hall, for God’s sake.  How did I ever let that happen?

She might not have known it then, or even now– just merely an hour later – that she really helped me. I made friends here at Bona’s and apparently did not need her as a friend. But, she was there when I did.

 

And, Rob, we have our spats and our disagreements, but, no matter what, I always feel most comfortable when I am with you. Remember that.

That day was a fairy tale

A week ago last night, I was out dancing the night away with people I love, with one person in particular. Yep, prom’s long gone now. Throughout this past week, I found myself looking at the girls that had prepared a little bit too much. They were the ones that went fake tanning for MONTHS beforehand just to make sure their skin was the perfect backdrop for their dresses. I’m glad I’m not like that and found it sad that there are girls out there that are.

I honestly couldn’t have dreamed up a better date. There were times when he lifted me up and twirled me around. He even did that dance move where he dipped me down low and then kissed me. During “Today Was A Fairy Tale” by Taylor Swift, he lifted me up and swayed back and forth with me in his arms. People all around were smiling at the couple that was so in love. We were and are that couple. Prom was a dream come true, which sounds cliche, but it was.

After the dance, we went bowling and Robby amazed me by being great at it, which I never had knowledge of. Then, at my house, we socialized, but when everyone else was dropping like flies to sleep we sat on the old green wicker chairs that we have set up looking out over the hill behind our house and onto our land. I sat in his lap and we watched the sun come up together. We talked about anything and everything while we were waiting, and when the sun finally rose, we were breathless. Course, after that, we ate some breakfast and then fell asleep together on the couch in the family room. That day was a fairy tale.

When my child is old enough to go to their first prom, I will be able to gush about my junior prom. Now I’m excited for Robby’s prom next year, for this relationship sha’n’t be ending any time soon.

For(n)ever

The word “forever.” What an overused word. Nobody knows the concept of forever. Nobody knows where forever is or how long forever is going to take. “This is going to take forever!” Yeah, doubt it. What a stupid hyperbole.

I can sort of understand if two people believe that they are going to be together “forever” if they are united in holy matrimony, but Divorce can still but its ugly head in there and Devour that useless forever. Forever is a hard word to comprehend, so why do people use it so often? Nobody knows the true meaning!

Teenagers are stupid. When it comes to relationships, they overuse this silly seven-letter word. (Yes, I am a teenager. I, however, am not stupid.) If someone can break your heart once, chances are they are capable of doing it again. Surely it would be a mistake to assume that the second time around is going to “last forever!” That’s just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Once that “forever” isn’t met, someone is left heartbroken. Assumptions lead to disappointment. Your aunt and uncle may have been high school sweethearts, but times have changed. There are far more fish in the sea.

I’m not dissing high school relationships. I’m dissing the stupid kids that think that they have found “the one” when their “significant other” is the only one they have ever met or fallen in “love” with. How do you know a person is The One when they have been the only one? I am a practical person. I care for my boyfriend with all of my heart, but I know not to assume that in ten years I’ll still be with him. I’m in high school. In two years, I’ll be facing my last summer as a real kid. In two years, no matter where he and I are in our relationship, we will most likely part ways. Until that time comes, I’m going to spend all of my free time with him; my best friend and my boyfriend. I can’t expect a “forever.”

I don’t know everything about everything, I’m just tired of people that seem to think that they do. I’m tired of people that talk about this concept of forever like they’re experts. None of us are; none of us ever will be. You can’t expect a “forever” when nobody even knows what this “forever” is.