You don’t know me

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. (Literally: ass-u-me.) I have always greatly appreciated this little saying. It’s perfectly witty and clever, and as an extra bonus, it’s perfectly true.

These days, I’m sick of people assuming when it concerns me. Not only are they making an ass out of themselves, but they’re dragging me along with them into the ass-y pool.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have received so many comments from people I love about how I “must hate the world.” I like to share my opinions, and though they aren’t always positive, I like to throw them out there. The problem is, nobody ever bites my bait. Everyone just seems to think that I abhor the world. Everything I say and everything I do supports this theory, apparently.  I will admit that I’m a little cynical and extremely critical, but that doesn’t mean I hate everything. People should just stop assuming that hating is all I do. I’m very opinionated and I can’t help but express those opinions, no matter how negative they may be.

I guess it just goes to show who knows me and who really a

I love life, I just don’t always like the people involved in mine. So, sometimes people should just stop assuming, because when they do about me, they are almost always wrong. They just make asses out of themselves and me when I sputter and try to defend my poor, “negative” little self. The people that assume are the people that only see me as the Emily I portray in school. Of course she’s going to be miserable; it’s school.

I guess this just goes to show who knows me and who really and truly does not.

The cherry on top

I had two choices.

Either I lose my sanity and do the musical this year, or I keep my sanity in check and just focus on school and running instead.

Guess which option I chose?

If you’re thinking the first one, you’re an idiot. I may be crazy enough as it is, but I still have my sanity. I think.

Anyway, they changed the musical to “The Wiz” and I was like, “see ya!” And, that’s that. I’m done. I chose my road, remember? It doesn’t involve the yellow brick one that probably appears in “The Wiz.” I chose the lovely red brick one.

So, instead of spending my nights at the school, I’ve gotten stuff done. Good stuff.

I did a project on the novel Jane Eyre. It definitely had the “wow” factor to it. I made a powerpoint, and modeled the sentences after the Dick & Jane books. (Ex: See Jane. See Jane run. Jane runs fast. Run, Jane run!) The best part? Because I was trying to get the point across that Jane Eyre is, in fact, gothic literature, I used Emily The Strange as Jane. Yeah, that’s right. 13-year-old Emily starred in my little movie as Jane Eyre. I was so proud of myself, and I could tell that my AP English teacher was impressed. The icing on the cake? The cherry on top? “Aha!” by Imogen Heap accompanied Jane (Emily) on all of her little adventures. I will never tire of that song. Ever.

Ever since I decided not to be involved in the musical, my life has gotten better. I have no unnecessary stress. Right now I’d be down at the school, but instead I’m here. I’m writing for two newspapers, a website, my blog, doing homework and running cross-country…I don’t have time to participate in silly musicals. There’s no point. It’s hard to walk away, but what’s done is done. My presentation wouldn’t have turned out as well as it did if I had had to be at the school rehearsing last night. And, that’s that.

One day summer slowly floated away

I have decided that I hate fall. I absolutely abhor it. When I was younger I thought I had to love it just because my birthday happens to fall (haha) within those select three months, but now I know better. I’ve learned to hate it.

Sure, the trees are pretty. Beautiful, even. Possibly even gorgeous. But… their prettiness doesn’t distract me from the true evils yet to come. I can see right through that pretty, innocent little façade. They can’t fool me.

I love summer. I love its warmth and the constant urge to go swimming in our beautiful pool. I found one thing I hate about it, though: that fall is the season right after.

Autumn just brings in a whirlwind of newness that leaves me dazed. It’s a season of starts. School, Cross Country (practices and endless trips to the “start”ing line), coldness, unwanted but necessary organization, and just all of that crap. And Autumn takes the sun away and leaves the world cold.

Summer’s still in the air for now, but I can feel it slowly floating away. Fall winds and clouds are slowly invading my tropical dreamland. The sun is going down sooner than it should. Oh, how I wish it was still June!

Don’t “go with the flow”

These days I live in a world where people quote lines from movies constantly. Maybe I am bitter about this because I do not tell stories or quote movie lines very well, but it gets annoying when I ask a question and someone responds with a line from Stepbrothers or Juno or The Dark Knight. It’s as if there are no more original thoughts anymore… it’s like everyone has their own personal screenwriter. I guess people just piss me off in general.

Am I the only person in this world with confidence? When I first brought my knitting to school, everyone laughed at me – but was I discouraged? No. I kept bringing it to school despite what people thought or think. If you like something, don’t be afraid to express it. Liking something makes you who you are and what’s wrong with showing who you are? Watch me walk down the hallway in what people call my “hooker” boots and my adorable Tripp skirt. Sure, people will stare, but do you know what they are really thinking? I think that they are wishing they could do something like that; dress like that; be who they really are. I can tell when someone has their shield up…and it’s kind of disappointing. I am kind of sick of taking the initiative. There are too many people that just “go with the flow.”

I have a friend who has changed a lot in the past year. Sure, I have changed too, but I haven’t changed what I believe in or my sense of humor or anything. My friend (he has been a friend for years) recently discovered his love for God. He goes to this church that sucks people in (at least, I think they do) every Sunday, and for the extra teen things that they do. I think of it as a cult. Going to church (should church be capitalized? ‘Cause I really don’t think it should be) so often has changed him completely. It’s as if he thinks he needs to be righteous all the time and do the right thing. If we gossip around him he gets pissed off. Oh, but when he wishes to gossip, it’s okay. I really miss who he was before he became super religious. Before he started bugging me about going to church. I feel like he has a wall up, and it needs to come down. I wish to knock it down, but we fight everyday over stupid things, and I never get the chance. I am very opinionated, and he can’t seem to accept my opinion, so he gets all cheesed off when I say mine. When he says his, I consider it. I don’t really know about him anymore. He is a completely different person these days. I don’t know what happened.

Anyway, yeah, people piss me off. Most people are selfish and it drives me nuts. I may not seem like it, but I think about other things besides myself. I am concerned about world hunger (which is why I visit the Free Rice website often), the economy – I was even thinking about how I was complaining about having to wake up early to go to school this week. Then I thought about it and here’s what I came up with: here I am complaining about going to school to be with friends when there is some kid who has to wake up early to go to school and gets beat up everyday and comes home covered with bruises that his/her parents don’t even notice. Yeah, suddenly waking up early to go to a place where I have friends and am at no risk whatsoever of being beaten up (unless I piss someone off) doesn’t sound too bad.

I have scratched the two resolutions I wanted to tackle. I can’t just quit everything cold turkey – I will ease into breaking free from my habits. Right now I am trying to be extremely thoughtful. And people still piss me off.

Goodbye, relaxation

You know what? Forget the play progress crap. It’s not like any of you even care. Well, for those who do (which I doubt) just know that I am almost done with three pages and finally getting to the juicy part of the whole play. It’s due on Wednesday. Can I do it? I procrastinate handing things in. Don’t ask why; you won’t like my reason, though I enjoy it very much.

I don’t want to go back to school. Today was the last day of Christmas break. The thrill and joy of Christmas is over, my gifts have been moved into my bedroom, Christmas music is no longer playing on the radio stations (though I cannot say I miss that very much), and it’s time to go back to the books. Umm, no thank you. I liked being stress-free this week. I sat at  my computer this week and wrote my play. I have gotten so used to doing that that I can’t see how any other way of life could be possible. This week I did what I want to do in the future: I sat around and wrote. Now tomorrow I must endure pointless classes that I probably will not use later in life.

So though I enjoyed this past week, I know that I have to return to Hell. Goodbye, relaxation.

Resolutions: take 15

I have not been very… dedicated to my past resolutions. Last year I didn’t make any because my Spanish teacher made us make some out in Spanish. Yuck. That ruined it for me. Well, this year is going to be different. I have asked a friend to aid me in the process of quitting the two things I plan to, well, quit. Not quit cold turkey…but ease my way into the process of quitting. I have already started.

1.) Swearing – I have been swearing up the wazoo for as long as I can remember. It all started when I began playing Halo 2 online with my brother, and yeah, you tend to curse when you lose. That’s exactly what I did (even though I am actually not bad at Halo by any means). Then came my first year of Varsity cross country. My teammate (and yes, one of my very good friends) was the one who really taught me how to swear. It was eff this and eff that day in and day out. I have to be careful when I am around younger kids – it takes a lot of my self control not to utter a single swear word. My friend is going to help me quit this habit.

2.) Knuckle cracking – I am noticing that my knuckles have gotten bigger over the years, and they are not very attractive. I don’t have… pretty hands anymore because of my obsessive knuckle cracking. I crack my knuckles when I am nervous, when I am bored, and when I know my parents will be annoyed by it. Well, I plan to stop. However, back cracking and neck cracking are still permitted.

Those are the two things I plan to cut from my life in the next year. Hello, 2009. Hello pretty hands and clean mouth.

Snow day: take two

I have been enjoying me a nice, long four-day weekend. Friday we didn’t have school, then Saturday and Sunday brought the lovely weekend, and now Monday has arrived, and I enjoyed going back to sleep after I woke up at six o’clock this morning. Tomorrow we have school (if we don’t have another now day hehe), after that it’s the rest of this week and all of next week off for Winter Recess. I love taking days off.

With every day that is a snow day, my Spanish presentation is put off another day. That’s good because Thursday night I didn’t feel like typing it out and last night I didn’t feel like it either. Maybe tonight I will gain some responsibility and manage to sit at my computer long enough to type out a simple thirty-line Spanish presentation. As it is, I highly doubt that I will end up doing that. I will put it off again tonight and then have to type it up in school tomorrow morning. I procrastinate, so what?!?

So, what should I do today? It’s 10:24 and time is endlessly stretching out before me. Eh…today I will sit around knitting and knitting and knitting, obsessively checking my MySpace, Facebook, Shelfari page, SOS page and blog, possibly cleaning my room, maybe even looking for props for my presentation (again, doubt it!), and making some cookies. I am in the mood for cookies.

How do we know?

Lately in my Earth Science class we have been studying the creation of the universe. This includes the “Big Bang” and yada yada yada. All this talk about our creation made me really dizzy and I began to have those thoughts that I often wonder about. How did we get here? What is the point of human existence? Are there other forms of life out there in space that we have yet to discover? Are these other forms of life wondering the same things as us? Gah, how it boggles my mind.

Studying this theory makes me feel extremely small. It also makes me feel so insignificant. In the grand scheme of things, I am just a speck on this Earth. The universe is HUMONGOUS…and I am just a tiny little person living my life day-to-day. Honestly, what is the point? Sometimes I think about human existence way too much and it really irks me that we have absolutely no answers as to why we are here. Yes, we have theories, but how do we know?

Maybe our purpose is better left unknown. I do not think I believe in this “Big Bang” theory…but I also do not think I believe in the “Creation” story. Where is this high and mighty God that everyone worships so diligently?

When we were watching a movie in Earth Science about how scientists think the world began, I was surprised to find that two of my very religious friends stayed put. If I were them, and what we were learning went beyond what I believe, I definitely would have walked out.

I do not know yet…religion and science just do not mix. Believe whatever you wish to believe, but I am still uncertain.

School

It seems to me like summer never even happened. Now that I am in the day-to-day “school” routine, everything is back to normal. My iPod (PANDORA!!!) sings me the song I picked out the night before at around 5:45 every morning, and then I wait for the playlist to run out before I get up (usually around 6:20). I get up, take a shower, eat breakfast (well, drink some coffee to prevent future headaches), and wash my face before I let my hair down and mess around with it. I walk out the door wearing some crazy outfit (today it is a pair of crazy colored Bermuda shorts, brown high top Chucks with pink shoelaces, a red Hollister 3/4 polo and a white tank top underneath – I know! Hollister! *gasp!*).

School is just okay. Being a sophomore is definitely different. I open up the day with band, then either English or Earth Science for eighty minutes, lunch (yes, at ten o’clock in the morning), Spanish (which has been simple so far because the regular teacher is out sick and our substitute does not know a single word of the language), Global (my teacher is hilarious!) and then Chamber Choir. After Chamber Choir comes either a study hall (where I am right now) or PE. Then, the dreaded Geometry. I have found it easier to focus this year in math. I already got a 100% on our first test, and was the only student to receive said grade (YES! I put it on the fridge! xD).

Soaked to the bone

School started a few days ago, and despite my mourning of the end of summer, I think that it will actually be okay. This week it has been all about football. Football this. Football that. Football football football. The cheerleaders wore their “cute” little uniforms to school today, and pranced around with blue and white ribbons in their hair. (I have actually tried on one of those uniforms, and let me tell you, they are definitely not cute.) The football players sauntered through the hallways with their dumb jock expressions and their ugly jerseys. The Varsity jerseys are okay, actually, it is the Junior Varsity jerseys that are messed up and ugly and stained. Yuck.

I play the flute and piccolo in our school band. Yes, I am, in fact, a band geek. Our band director told us to show up to the “big” football game at 6:45, for the game was due to begin at seven o’clock. I got home from cross country practice and lounged around for a little while, glancing nervously at the clock every now and then. I began to get ready when the time was right, and put on a white tank top (black tank top underneath), blue jeans and flip flops. I had no idea that I would be freezing my tush off for the rest of the night.

I played my piccolo along with the band every time the ref blew the whistle, and stopped when they began playing again. Pretty soon, tiny raindrops began to fall. My friend who sat beside me was chanting “It’s not going to rain! It’s not going to rain!” Let me just say that her little chant did not work.

It started pouring. I hurriedly stuffed my piccolo into its case, and ran off to join my brother and one of my very good friends. We walked around the facility and soon enough I was so soaked that I did not even care that my feet were splashing around in the puddles. I talked with friends, got told that I made a “wise” choice for wearing a white tank top, and soon my teeth were chattering so fiercely that I could not even make them stop.

All I craved was a hot shower. A nice long, hot shower to wash away all of the rain water. Right when I got home, I put my wet clothes in the washer, and enjoyed a shower. After being showered on by raindrops, it was everything I needed.

P.S. The team ended up winning. Woohoo. (Again, sarcasm.)