For everything there is a season

It was like greeting an old friend as soon as my feet found the pavement. The snow had melted just enough and the air seemed balmy in all its glory of forty degrees Fahrenheit. I’ve always found it amazing just how different forty degrees can be, depending on the perspective you’re taking. When the seasons change from summer to fall, 40 degrees seems like the coldest temperature on earth. But, when the winter chill backs off a bit and lets in some of that 40-degree air, it’s as if spring has come early. It’s the same temperature and yet, it’s different.

I had considered making up a quick playlist of songs I could listen to while I ran, but I opted to leave my iPods at home, instead. The birds sang as I left the cul-de-sac I have lived on my whole life and let my legs carry me out to the main road and down the hill. I was surprised at how good I felt and let that carry me through the pain as muscles were put back into use after remaining dormant for nearly two months. The pain gave me something to think about and something to distract me from the mountain of homework I had to do and the hardships I had been dealing with on a regular basis.

When I was running, I didn’t have to feel anything but the pain from the exertion I was putting my body through. When I thought about it hard enough, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, but if I just let my mind wander and let my legs do my thinking for me, nothing really mattered. I ran by a business that owes my dad money and considered trashing it. But, I didn’t. I kept running and made my way toward the hill that stood menacingly in the not-so-distant distance.

My energy deteriorated once I reached the top, but I kept on running. I reached my halfway mark and kept going. I thought about how natural it is for me to run and how effortless it can be once I am in good shape to do it. I thought about the summer and how the three of us took part of this same route in an effort to be in shape for cross-country season. I thought about how fast the time goes and how it doesn’t make sense to try and cherish every moment. If you’re too busy cherishing, you’re not living. You’re just trying to keep it in your memory forever. A memory should be something you remember effortlessly, not something you save onto the desktop in your brain so you can click on it and wait for it to load.

I decided against taking a shortcut and instead went the whole way around and back to my street. I took a left, ran down to the green Pennysaver box and then took a right, thinking in my head about that last 200m that I face with every race I run on the track. I ran halfway up my slushy driveway and then bent over to catch my breath. I always do this, and then I bend my knees carefully before reaching my full height (5’2″ if you were wondering) and then walking around a little bit, my hands over my head.

I entered through the side garage door, made my way through the traffic blocking my way to the house door (sleds, snowshoes, etc) and shed my running sneakers (New Balance this year – a brand I never really gave a chance until over the summer), grabbed my already-full glass of water off of our butcher block-esque island and downed it in a second.

My ears stung from the cold and my breathing was wheezy with each inhale and exhale I made.

“How’d you feel?” my dad asked.

“All right,” I replied. “I started out too fast and was dead by the end, but it felt good to run. I’m gonna go lay down now.”

I entered the family room and plopped onto our brand-new couch to catch my wheezy breaths. After thirty minutes passed without my daddy turning on the TV, I went upstairs and grabbed The Lovely Bones and continued reading from where I had left off right before daddy had picked me up at the school just barely an hour previously. We sat there, father and daughter, reading our books of choice: his a Yankee book that someone had gotten him and mine a novel that had been made into yet another movie based off of a book. He wore one of his many pairs of $0.99 reading glasses and I wore the sweat and dirt of a girl who had almost made it through one of the toughest weeks of her sixteen years of living, and was coming out on the other side unscathed and perfectly fine.

At 4 o’clock, I tossed my book down and ran the shower upstairs in the bathroom that all of my brothers had vacated and bestowed unto me (we painted it a light brown and pretty light blue and got rid of the old Mickey Mouse theme that had previously reigned).

Before shedding my clothing, I focused on the length of my hair in the mirror. Back in ninth grade, it was a shock of bright-red curls. Now, it’s back to its normal color (brown/blond/red depending on the season and amount of sun received), though the curls have been kept (I have not dyed my hair since November 2008). I’ve decided that I want it to be long for when I take my senior pictures. I thought to myself Oh yeah, it will be long enough by the summer after this one!

And then it hit me.

I will be taking my senior pictures this summer. It’s crazy just how much time flies and how one change in your thoughts can create a chain-reaction of changes throughout your entire mind. At the moment, I am halfway through my junior year of high school. In June, I will sing in the Chamber Choir and watch some of my best friends ever don those white and blue robes and graduate from our little sliver of the universe and move on to bigger (and better) things. This hit me hard because I realized that I haven’t exactly enjoyed my high school experience that much. In recent months, Misery had taken over my entire being and forced me to look at everything pessimistically. But now, happy little Emily is back, and she plans on staying happy and little until she is forced to grow up in a year and a half.

The butterflies have risen!

You know how you have to be in one of those moods to really appreciate artists like Marilyn Manson, Eyes Set to Kill and Every Time I Die? Well, I’m in one of those moods. I had Persephone going on shuffle, and she was doing pretty good until an ETID song came on, and I realized that I am in the mood for them today. I don’t know why; it’s not like I’m cranky or anything at the moment, now just seems like to right time to listen to something that is so beautifully screamy. I just can’t describe it.

I’m feeling pretty damn good, actually. The butterflies are alive again within me (you’d have to be a regular reader of my poetry to understand that reference, and I am the only one that fits in that department) and they flitter and flutter every once in awhile to remind me that they’ve been released from their cocoons once more.

So, there’s this guy. Well, actually, there are several guys at the moment, but whatever. He doesn’t even go to our school (and plus I know the ones from G-Town could never click with me…and the one that actually could has a girlfriend, even though he agrees with me on that subject), and yet for some reason I have a good idea about him. See, I’ve known him practically my whole life. The last time I saw him, he was shorter than me and kind of geeky. Okay, really geeky. We just didn’t mesh. Now, we received a Christmas card from them, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I don’t really know if he’s my type, but I’m willing to find out. He’s tall, not anorexic-esque skinny, but nicely shaped and he plays hockey. Yeah, the hockey thing is what won me over. I like a guy who can play a real manly sport (that ISN’T football).

I told myself yesterday that if he came online in the facebook chat thing, I would say hello. Well, he came online. My heart started beating faster, but I didn’t do anything. Instead, I just kept clicking “Home” to distract myself with the posting of meaningless statuses by my other “friends.” I think that if we were to start hanging out, that’d be pretty cool, regardless of the driving distance between us. It’s only, like, an hour, so so what? Once I get my license I’ll be able to make that commute.

But, I’m not promising anything with anyone. I noticed several different guys making eye contact with me at the dance (will post pictures later, I promise!) and I became attached to one and realized that I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him, too. I don’t want to date anyone, I just want to go on dates and see how it is. Kiss a few guys, take in a few movies, hold a couple different pairs of hands; that’s all I want. I’m back to the “he likes me, he likes me not” thing again, and I am thoroughly enjoying it. This time, I’m not going to sit around and wait for something to happen (with the one exception yesterday!); I’m going to do something about it if I want someone that bad. I’m going to drop hints and be flirty and cute in a subtle way and play hard-to-get. This is what’s fun about being a teenager; fun that I’ve been missing out on for years because I was always stuck solely on one person.

Well, watch out. Have you ever felt that pitter patter of your heart when you see someone walk down the hallway? I have, and it’s not focused on just one person anymore.

Paramore’s brand new eyes

I love it. I’m pretty sure it passes by All We Know Is Falling and I definitely like it better than RIOT! The lyrics and melodies the band display on this album really speak of the struggles they have faced over the past year.

1.) “Careful” – A bold opener; not unlike “For A Pessimist I’m Pretty Optimistic.” It really shows that Paramore has grown up and earned their brand new eyes. They’re not the naive power-pop band anymore. They’ve witnessed more of the world now and have become wise because of it.“You can’t be too careful anymore…”

2.) “Ignorance” – It’s awesome, duh. It shows the heavier side of the problems Paramore has faced. “Don’t wanna hear your sad songs/I don’t wanna feel your pain/When you swear it’s all my fault/’Cause you know we’re not the same.” The music video for this is especially impressive. It’s dark, dreary, slightly demented, yet perfect.

3.) “Playing God” – Another glimpse for those of us who are on the outside looking in. Hayley Williams speaks for herself, yet it sums everything up for the whole band. Here, she tells about how she’s not perfect, but neither are they. “Next time you point a finger, I’ll point you to a mirror.”

4.) “Brick By Boring Brick” – My favorite part is when the boys join in the last twenty seconds of the song with the “ba da ba ba da ba ba-ah.” Course, I’m a sucker for guys that can sing. It’s cute how she ties in the part about how the wolf’s going to blow it down. It’s perfection in my book.

5.) “Turn It Off” – Williams’ lyrics are absolutely beautiful in this song. I can’t get over their beauty and how they just make this song.

6.) “The Only Exception” – My personal favorite. I love slow songs that have the lovely sound of someone strumming a guitar calmly. It gives me a nice break from the headache-inducing metal I listen to. This will definitely be added to my “Calm” playlist on my iPod. I don’t especially like how low Williams goes on the “are” of “you are the only exception,” but it works. It really does.

7.) “Feeling Sorry” – Another peek into the band’s life. Williams has no time for feeling sorry, and she makes that clear.

8.) “Looking Up” – Listen to the lyrics and it will give you goosebumps. After the songs she wrote with lyrics that tell of her desperation to settle everything, it’s refreshing to hear these lyrics. They almost threw everything away; everything that Hayley dreamed about. “It’s not a dream anymore… God knows the world doesn’t need another band (whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa) but what a waste it would have been (whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa).” She took it for granted, but now they’re back and in my mind there’s no doubt anymore about whether they will stay intact. “We’re just getting started.”

9.) “Where The Line Overlap”“No one is as lucky as us.” Sums it up, right there. Definitely a good listen.

10.) “Misguided Ghosts” – The guitar part in this song melts me. I love Hayley’s voice when she sings along to it.

11.) “All I Wanted” – An epic ballad on Paramore’s part. Hayley’s voice is breathtaking when it carries up to that highest note (listen to it and ye shall know). I think they should have ended the album with “Looking Up,” but this definitely works. The first part of the album is full of their frustrations, then they are settled, and these last three songs come in. Yeah, I guess it’s perfect.

They’re not a RIOT! band anymore. They’ve calmed down, reassessed things and have come through with an album that is sure to be another hit once it hits stores in the US tomorrow. I have already listened to it probably almost ten times, and I’m not going to stop any time soon. That much is for certain. Their brand new eyes don’t get boring.

I’m a global deejay

Two days ago I was shocked at myself. While shuffling through my iTunes song by song, I noticed that many of the songs that I passed by had NEVER been played. I thought to myself, now, what’s the point in having all of these songs if I don’t even take the time to listen to every single one of them? And sure, quite a few of them (well, more than quite a few of them) were contributions from my older brothers, but I still feel bad for having them in my iTunes when I’ve never even listened to them, so for the past couple of days I have been going through and trying to listen to every single one. Note: I have listened to most of them, just not on my computer where it keeps track of how many times I’ve listened to them.

I started with 845 songs in my playlist called “NEVER PLAYED.” Now, two days and 132 songs later, here I am with 713 (almost 712) left for my ears to listen to.

I have had to listen to artists that I have never even heard of or just have never listened to before. Among these were The Fratellis, Metallica, AC/DC, The Offspring (which I’ve never been fond of), Eminem, Lil’ Wayne, Trapt, Phoenix, Soundgarden, Global Deejays, Children of Bodom, The Ramones, Goldfinger, Dave Matthews Band, Michael Bolton, Parachute, Sahara Hotnights, Owl City, and Kardinal Offishall. Surprisingly, I’m finding all of this music bearable. I’ve discovered that I like The Fratellis, can tolerate Metallica, HATE AC/DC, really appreciate Eminem, and can really honestly listen to ANYTHING. This is such a good feeling since I used to be so particular about what I would listen to when I was younger.

I am now down to 711 and am currently listening to “The End of Innocence” by Jamies Elsewhere. Who knew I would ever like so much of this music?

We get it! You kissed a girl and you liked it

Katy Perry.

When I first heard her hit “I Kissed A Girl,” I thought, hey, this isn’t bad. It’s actually kind of funny. Then I heard it again. And again. And again. And again. Everytime I turned on the radio. Every single time I flipped to Playlist. Everywhere I turned, people were singing it. I took it off my iPod after having it on there for less than a week. Goodbye, Katy.

I have not listened to her full CD, but the ones I have heard have not brought pleasure to my ears. Namely “Ur So Gay.” Honestly?!? HONESTLY?!?!? I disliked it right away because of the spelling of “you’re,” but then the song was horrible as well. It was mostly the lyrics that really pissed me off.

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

…and that’s not even the whole song.

Listen, I’m not all about gay rights or anything, but this song and these lyrics are so awful! There are plenty more creative people with meaningful lyrics that deserve what she has and more. Sure, she may be homophobic, but that does not mean she has to profess her dislike of the gay population to the whole world. I mean, c’mon! She kissed a girl! Should she not be sick with herself?

She got famous with the most meaningless song on the planet, became even more famous with her other meaningless songs, and now her music is sung by young girls across the country? What’s wrong here?

I hate the little onesie things that she wears for concerts. I watched her performance on MTV one night, and her voice was even worse than her lyrics. She’s like one of those Disney kids where you can tell just how much technology has interfered with their “talent.” (‘Cause for some reason every Disney kid has to sing as well – that’s another thing I get pissed about.)

I respected her at first. I thought “I Kissed A Girl” was neat because it was different; no other artist I know of would ever come up with something so bizarre. Now it’s old, and she’s trying to use another single off of her album (the soft song on the album) to show her vulnerable side. Well, I don’t see it. Keep kissing girls and telling people that they don’t even like… PENIS. (Seriously, look up those “Ur So Gay” lyrics and you’ll know what I am talking about.)

Emily out.

Tomorrow mourning

Tomorrow morning will arrive and announce itself as the last morning of vacation. Tomorrow will bring the first of many lasts.

I will wake up at around ten o’clock tomorrow morning and roll over, rubbing my eyes the whole time. I will then sit up and admire my newly cleaned out closet and maybe turn my iPod on for a minute and enjoy some of my favorite tunes. It will be the last morning where I can lazily creep out of bed and head downstairs without shooting worrisome looks at the clock. I will help myself to whatever food I can find in the kitchen, and then laze away by the pool or watch some TV until I have to attend cross country practice.

By this time tomorrow night, I will be in bed staring out my window. I will have already watched the sun go down, mourning the last sunset of my summer. The night bugs will provide a mournful chorus as I glance around my room and see my outfit all set out for the morning. Tonight is the last night that I can stay up until God knows when and then wake up late. The mellow drone of the bugs will lull me to sleep, and the next morning I will wake up to one of the carefully picked out songs bursting out of my iHome. I will then lie in bed for a full thirty minutes, wondering what awaits me when I enter that same old school building.