Sibling camaraderie

There will be no Easter egg hunt tomorrow. Oh, and I didn’t buy much candy to put in the Easter baskets, thus I have no jelly beans.

Coloring eggs? Forget it. I’m not buying the kit.

 

…all of the above from my mother.

And I’m okay with it.

“When do we even stop doing Easter baskets?” My mom asked me while we ran errands today. It then dawned on me that we may be getting just a tad old for this.

Jordan’s 26; Trevor, 24; Adam, almost 22. Me? Nearly 19.5 (going on 30).

Good question, Mom. Because tomorrow’s just another day in my book, despite receiving a few goodies in a basket I’ll have to find somewhere outside. I am honestly looking forward the most to dinner and its abundance of leftovers.

We used to make Easter lists and lay them out on the coffee table in the family room next to our respective baskets the night before. We searched for baskets early in the morning before church. Tomorrow you’ll be lucky if we’re even out and about before noon, especially after the boys chugged beer after beer tonight.

“Maybe when the boys and I have kids of our own,” I told my mom to answer her question.

Until then, we’ll probably keep this simple sibling camaraderie alive. Just being together and laughing together is enough.

Another Sunday night

I was typing last night whilst sitting upright in bed and I realized just how much I enjoy the sound of keys getting tapped on a keyboard. So, here I am once again. It’s nearly midnight on yet another Sunday night in my life. Another week is gone and I keep getting older with every second that passes. It’s kind of a scary though, isn’t it?

I had been living in a dazed state up until recently. People didn’t bother me during that short amount of time and I found myself smiling for no reason at people I hardly even knew. However, lately people have been getting on my nerves more than ever. Maybe it’s because of the last week I have lived through that was hellish even without the assistance of the people that keep making their entrances and exits in my life. But, in that hell of a week I lived through I gained and retained friendships with some of the nicest people I have ever met. Everything happens for a reason.

There are some people who I know are living their lives while looking through masks they have molded throughout the years. I’d like to believe that they are the people they say they are, but I know better than to believe a single word they say. I’m sad that they are who they are. I wish I could change them for the better. From now on, I’ve decided to ignore who they are behind their facades and just deal with the people that they’re showing. There must be a reason why they’re hiding everything else, and who am I to expose it and question it? I’ve decided it’s none of my business despite the intense bout of curiosity I am feeling. I’ve decided to take advice from The Beatles and just “Let It Be.”

I’m growing up; I’m moving on; I’m getting things accomplished. I am so proud of myself for that. I’m not going to waste time worrying about the other people that come into my life. People that are only going to leave the next minute.

He has shown me how

Normally when Spring rolls around, I open my window, freshen up my room, enjoy the sound of birds singing and sit on the front porch to soak it all in. It’s been years since I have actually gone outside to play and run around and get some exercise. I have gotten back on track with my life.

I started eating breakfast again. Every morning, I dig out the Rice Krispies, pour myself a bowl along with a glass of OJ and then settle down with one of my daily vitamins that I need to up the iron level in my body. I’m a girl, you see, and girls need more iron than boys do. I have established a rather strict routine to keep up with everything. I don’t scramble to get homework done anymore; I get it done right after it’s assigned and then I don’t have to worry. It’s fun not having any worries. Hakuna Matata!

Last Sunday, I was sick, which is odd for me. I’m NEVER sick. The last time I missed school was when I had pink eye – that doesn’t qualify as the queasiness I’m speaking of now. I get plenty of Vitamin C, take cough syrup when I feel a cold coming on and suck it up when I have a tiny stomachache. But, on this day, I woke up, felt awful, vomited a couple times and then took to the couch for the rest of the day, with only my pillow, a blanket, a heating pad and the drone of a television to keep me company. That one day was the first day in well over a month that I was completely miserable. Part of it has to do with the fact that I felt like I was going to die. The other part was the fact that it was the first day in a streak of nineteen that I hadn’t spent the day with Robby. Yeah, you read correctly. We are inseparable. When I told this to some people in my English class the Monday after that dreadful Sunday, one girl (who was astounded, I might add) asked me, “how do you get all of your schoolwork done?” because, well, Robby is over at my house or I’m over at his every school night. I replied with “well, while you guys are all talking during the free time we have in Chemistry, I sit down and get all of my homework done.” This relates back to the routine I now have down pat. I get all of my homework done and then I don’t have to worry about it, and plus, I get to see Robby. Which yeah, I could get my homework done after he leaves, but that’s generally around 10 o’clock and lately I’ve been getting to bed around 10:30, which is very, very early for me. But hey, it’s all a part of wanting to live a healthier lifestyle.

Now, back to the part about Spring. Normally, I watch it happen. This year, I’ve been a part of it. Robby has shown me how. If it’s nice out, you’d better believe we’re outside doing something. We spent March 21st jumping from cliffs into pits of sand. I definitely lived that day. It felt good to live. Since then, we’ve taken countless walks, gazed at the stars, swung on the swings behind his house, jumped on the trampoline, played catch, ridden our bikes and sat out on the porch with smoothies that I surprised him with. I saw him three different times today, much like I did yesterday. He surprised me by stopping by this morning on his bike before heading out to practice. After practice, he rode right back, and I welcomed him with a strawberry banana smoothie I’d made up for him in my hand. Then, back he came for the real plans that we had made for today. My feet get covered with dirt everyday, and it’s such a great feeling.

I feel healthy. I feel free. I feel fun. I’ve felt the sun on countless occasions already, and Spring has hardly even started. I have a good feeling about everything, and I hope this never stops. I’m the old me with a new twist, and there are so many people out there that are happy to see that I’ve returned to my happy, bubbly self. I’m back.

Believing ain’t easy

I almost started crying when I entered the room with the high ceilings. I could still hear our laughter and heavy breathing as we darted in and out of the rows of pews. Fresh in my mind was the vision of us kids running around in the darkness while our parents socialized in the next room. I could still see him looking up at me, for I was taller than him the last time I encountered his presence. That has changed, I’m sure.

It was weird to be back, albeit nice. Except, there were things that weren’t nice. My grandma was scowling like a jealous schoolgirl and things had changed too much. Not only was the basement a mess, but the parsonage had been burned to the ground. Stress was something I could feel strongly in the air. Its prominence burned me much like the charred pile of former house innards laying out in the January winter.

There was no choir. There was no organ; just piano. There were no children that I recognized, there was nobody my age up in the back, getting ready to snuff out the candles after the service to signify their job as an acolyte.

“We stopped doing that,” she said. Well, I think that kind of sucks.

There was no comfort. Or, at least there was very little. The only times I cracked a smile was when Papa fell asleep here and there and when I heard the voice of my favorite choir member singing behind me. At least he was there to provide me with a sense of normalcy; even if it wasn’t a very big chunk of it.

There’s also the issue of not necessarily believing. What am I to do about that? I know I pleased my grandparents by acting as their chauffeur and acting as something they could show off to their friends, but I don’t know if I see this becoming a regular thing. It was fun to make them happy, but if I don’t believe, what am I to do? Sit there every Sunday with a blank look painted on my face, much like I displayed today?

I’m glad I did it. I don’t regret it. I just wish I wasn’t so shrouded with disbelief. Believing comes to other people so easily…why can’t it be that easy for me?

Don’t “go with the flow”

These days I live in a world where people quote lines from movies constantly. Maybe I am bitter about this because I do not tell stories or quote movie lines very well, but it gets annoying when I ask a question and someone responds with a line from Stepbrothers or Juno or The Dark Knight. It’s as if there are no more original thoughts anymore… it’s like everyone has their own personal screenwriter. I guess people just piss me off in general.

Am I the only person in this world with confidence? When I first brought my knitting to school, everyone laughed at me – but was I discouraged? No. I kept bringing it to school despite what people thought or think. If you like something, don’t be afraid to express it. Liking something makes you who you are and what’s wrong with showing who you are? Watch me walk down the hallway in what people call my “hooker” boots and my adorable Tripp skirt. Sure, people will stare, but do you know what they are really thinking? I think that they are wishing they could do something like that; dress like that; be who they really are. I can tell when someone has their shield up…and it’s kind of disappointing. I am kind of sick of taking the initiative. There are too many people that just “go with the flow.”

I have a friend who has changed a lot in the past year. Sure, I have changed too, but I haven’t changed what I believe in or my sense of humor or anything. My friend (he has been a friend for years) recently discovered his love for God. He goes to this church that sucks people in (at least, I think they do) every Sunday, and for the extra teen things that they do. I think of it as a cult. Going to church (should church be capitalized? ‘Cause I really don’t think it should be) so often has changed him completely. It’s as if he thinks he needs to be righteous all the time and do the right thing. If we gossip around him he gets pissed off. Oh, but when he wishes to gossip, it’s okay. I really miss who he was before he became super religious. Before he started bugging me about going to church. I feel like he has a wall up, and it needs to come down. I wish to knock it down, but we fight everyday over stupid things, and I never get the chance. I am very opinionated, and he can’t seem to accept my opinion, so he gets all cheesed off when I say mine. When he says his, I consider it. I don’t really know about him anymore. He is a completely different person these days. I don’t know what happened.

Anyway, yeah, people piss me off. Most people are selfish and it drives me nuts. I may not seem like it, but I think about other things besides myself. I am concerned about world hunger (which is why I visit the Free Rice website often), the economy – I was even thinking about how I was complaining about having to wake up early to go to school this week. Then I thought about it and here’s what I came up with: here I am complaining about going to school to be with friends when there is some kid who has to wake up early to go to school and gets beat up everyday and comes home covered with bruises that his/her parents don’t even notice. Yeah, suddenly waking up early to go to a place where I have friends and am at no risk whatsoever of being beaten up (unless I piss someone off) doesn’t sound too bad.

I have scratched the two resolutions I wanted to tackle. I can’t just quit everything cold turkey – I will ease into breaking free from my habits. Right now I am trying to be extremely thoughtful. And people still piss me off.

Snow day: take two

I have been enjoying me a nice, long four-day weekend. Friday we didn’t have school, then Saturday and Sunday brought the lovely weekend, and now Monday has arrived, and I enjoyed going back to sleep after I woke up at six o’clock this morning. Tomorrow we have school (if we don’t have another now day hehe), after that it’s the rest of this week and all of next week off for Winter Recess. I love taking days off.

With every day that is a snow day, my Spanish presentation is put off another day. That’s good because Thursday night I didn’t feel like typing it out and last night I didn’t feel like it either. Maybe tonight I will gain some responsibility and manage to sit at my computer long enough to type out a simple thirty-line Spanish presentation. As it is, I highly doubt that I will end up doing that. I will put it off again tonight and then have to type it up in school tomorrow morning. I procrastinate, so what?!?

So, what should I do today? It’s 10:24 and time is endlessly stretching out before me. Eh…today I will sit around knitting and knitting and knitting, obsessively checking my MySpace, Facebook, Shelfari page, SOS page and blog, possibly cleaning my room, maybe even looking for props for my presentation (again, doubt it!), and making some cookies. I am in the mood for cookies.

Oxymorons

Today I decided to lay out in the sun for awhile. Not because I wanted to get super tan (I really do not see the point in changing the color of one’s skin, and I will never pay to go tanning), but because the sun was so appealing. I changed into my bathing suit, and approached the diving board, preparing to jump in just so the sun could have something to make evaporate.

I splashed into the cool, turquoise pool, and surfaced gasping for breath. It is not a good idea to swim with gum in your mouth, let me tell you. My feet touched the solid bottom of the shallow end, and I slowly walked over to the stairs. It is funny how you don’t feel just how cold the wind is until you are totally wet. I felt like someone was up in the sky purposely blowing cold air on me, attempting to dry me off. I lay down on the lounge, and closed my eyes, enjoying the gentle warmth of the sun. The wind continued to blow, but the sun continued to shine.

After my mother got off the phone (she was outside talking on it for almost three hours), she went inside, and then all was quiet except for the raging wind. I got up to lean the back of the lounge back further so I could lay down on my stomach, exposing my back to the relentless sun. While I was lying there, I was thinking about how it rained yesterday morning. At first it did not strike me – but then it did. A rainy Sunday. Why, that is an oxymoron!!! Now, every Sunday that it rains, I shall be thinking about that and smiling. I never really thought of it before.

I like that oxymoron, but my favorite will forever be: smart man.